Hello, may I take your life order?
“Yes, I’ll have a Venti, amazing life — with an adoring spouse — accomplished children — and a successful career. Oh, and can you drizzle that with a Pottery Barn home and exciting vacations?… To-go.”
For the most part, this describes many of our lives. Or at least the “latte life” we work so hard to display. But now, in the midst of this COVID-19 pandemic, our made-to-order Starbucks lives have spilled for everyone to see. Instead, it’s more like we’ve been handed yesterday’s, rewarmed gas station coffee in a leaky cup. These days, most people are disoriented, disconnected, and feeling the loss and suffering from around the globe.
Connection through disconnection
Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness (R.O.C.K.) are principles that crystallized for me a few years ago and saved me in a time of crisis. Now, the entire world is in crisis. During what seems like endless weeks of quarantine and social distancing, the power and human need for Connection has never been so evident to me. However, in our forced detachment, I have experienced Connection amplified in other ways.
We long to be with others in the same physical space, to unconsciously be in tune with another’s breath and greet each other with a hug or handshake. So desperate to connect, we trudge through technology challenges to see the faces of those we love and forget the virus, if even for a moment. Facetime “Hellos!” and Zoom meetings aren’t new to me, but I’ve noticed something different and wonderful. People have been so overwhelmed that I have seen more authenticity. It is simply impossible to maintain the illusion of perfection in a state of mental and emotional exhaustion.
Authenticity emerges
In exasperation, I’ve heard family and friends share their real feelings of failure and frustration on many different levels: “I’m drowning in all of these dishes”…“My son was doing well in his drug addiction recovery, but now he has relapsed”…“I’ve worn these yoga pants for a week straight, and I don’t even care anymore”…“Tensions are so high between me and my husband, I hope we make it”…“With a 25% pay cut, we’re going to struggle to pay the mortgage”…“I’m so frustrated with myself that I can’t help my kid with her Algebra homework.”
A welcome break from the false perfection, this genuineness allows Connection on a deeper level. We have let our guard down, expressing how the pandemic has drastically affected our lives and allowing others to feel and relate to our struggles. I have heard pain, fears, and anxiety. And in response, I have also been witness to deep empathy, comforting words, and an outpouring of love-filled actions.
Authenticity at work
This surge of authenticity has appeared in the business world too. Colleagues are being honest about how difficult it is to focus and admitting to bouts of unproductivity. And when a few minutes late to a meeting, I hear reasons like, “I was chasing my escape-artist puppy” or “I had to get breakfast on the table for my kiddos.”
A few weeks ago, sensing that I was a bit “off,” a concerned peer asked me how I was doing…really. Tears emerged when I shared how I am heart-broken that I can’t be with my mom during her cancer treatments. He reciprocated with sincere support and even shared some of his own struggles. Since then, we’ve had more synergy in our work together. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
Authenticity embraced
Coco Channel said it most eloquently, “Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity.” These are indeed hard times. So…
For those of you who aren’t quite ready to let the real you shine, now may be the perfect time to try it out. After all, we are in the midst of a worldwide crisis. Admit that you’re tired. Share your concerns. You just may enjoy the genuine responses, the connected feelings, and the relief from upholding the constant facade. If you need some inspiration, check out this article to begin to develop authenticity: 20 Ways to Be a More Authentic Person.
To all of those I am blessed to be able to connect with during this craziness, thank you for your authenticity. I love your gray roots, the laundry on the couch on-screen behind you, and your sticky-faced toddler. Thank you for being the real deal.
For those who are lucky enough to be the recipient of genuineness, I hope you welcome it as a gift, with a gracious, open heart. Perhaps even thank the person who shared for trusting you with his rawness.
To everyone, please never forget that the drippy mocha version of you is perfect and refreshing, especially in this challenging time.
I would love to hear if you have also felt deeper Connections and opportunities for authenticity during the pandemic, or perhaps you’ve felt further away than ever before. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments.
ROCK thru and stay safe! XO ~Lee
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