Kindness, the last ROCK pillar to introduce (following the roll out of Respect, Ownership, and Connection), is humbly mighty. It’s the hidden superpower that we all can give, and we have all benefited from. We all have the time, funds, and ability to share Kindness. Every. Single. One of us. You may feel too busy, too broke, or too ill-equipped to be a Kindness superhero. But here’s the truth: all of those were my excuses, and the reality is that Kindness doesn’t require time, money, or skill. But it does begin with one thing: awareness. And then, the rest takes care of itself, engaging the innate compassion within you, to the exact degree that you are capable of.
The real question is, will we take the mind space and selflessness that it requires to be aware of other people’s needs? Kindness can appear through a wide range of actions, from small to large, all resulting in significant impact. But it starts by taking the time to get out of our heads to see the opportunities around us.
Bigger than we know
It warms my heart to think of the times when even the smallest acts of Kindness from others have lightened my day in a big way. The door held open, an invitation to move ahead in the checkout line with just one item, a “just thinking about you” text. These examples, and quite frankly, the topic as a whole, may seem trite. Niceties and polite gestures, yeah, yeah, we get it. Why don’t we sing “Kumbaya” while we are at it?
But, this pillar is so critical that there is an entire organization dedicated to it. (Who knew, right?) Check out the video from the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation explaining the proven benefits of being kind. Although I have experienced the impact of Kindness in my own life, I was surprised to learn of the actual scientific data that proves the physical and emotional benefits of Kindness:
“Studies have shown that if you perform just one random act of kindness a day, you’ll not only reduce your stress, anxiety, and depression, but your body is flooded with the same hormones that make you and the person you’ve helped calmer, healthier, and happier.”
But why does Kindness have such a profound impact on us? In my experience, it has a direct link to our human need for Connection, the “C” in ROCK. When we are kind to others, witness Kindness, or are the recipient of Kindness, we feel a connection to the people directly involved and a restored connection to humanity as a whole.
Through my soul searching work when I was at rock bottom, this definition of Kindness unfolded: generous consideration through action. A seemingly simple characterization, but oh so difficult for many of us to put into practice.
Kindness kryptonite
It’s not as easy as it sounds to give gifts of Kindness. There are many types of “Kindness Kryptonite” that debilitate our Kindness superpower when we have a momentary thought to connect with another more deeply: Busyness, self-absorption, and self-doubt, are a few. And at the root of all these is the fear of “not being enough,” which is what makes us strive for everything to be bigger, better, and faster. Always being on a life treadmill takes an incredible amount of our precious resources; mind space, time, energy, money. This pace does not leave much left to notice an opportunity, let alone put it into action.
A reciprocal exchange
You may think that giving Kindness takes the most effort. But for me, the real work is in the receiving. Pride, which is a giant Kindness Kryptonite mountain, needs to be disintegrated to receive the beautiful offerings of Kindness.
When I was young, my mom would sometimes send me next door for the proverbial “cup of sugar” or another ingredient that she needed to finish a meal or dessert. (My mom is a fantastic baker!) It was a simple reciprocal neighborly exchange that was normal and expected on occasion. It seems absurd that this is a foreign concept today. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run to the store for one ingredient that I’ve discovered missing from a recipe. When I do this, it is not only a waste of time and fuel to get to and from the market, but I have just taken away the opportunity for my neighbors to give Kindness. Just because I don’t want to admit that I need a single egg or I don’t want to “impose” on anyone? If we can’t ask for a pantry supply, how can we be vulnerable enough during a real-life crisis? Pride and our desire to be uber self-sufficient is robbing us of both giving and receiving Kindness.
Coincidentally, I did find myself in need of a spice while baking banana bread while writing and collecting insights for this post. The recipe called for a teeny, tiny teaspoon of cinnamon. It wasn’t my first thought but, I slipped on my shoes, bypassed my car in the driveway, and knocked on Nancy’s door. My neighbor was happy to share her cinnamon, and when I returned the jar, I did so with warm slices of bread. This reciprocal exchange felt wonderful for both of us, each delighted to give and receive Kindness.
Three Kindness life hacks
All of these “Kindness Kryptonites” are topics to explore more deeply in later posts, but there are three easy, Kindness life hacks to get you started right now:
1. Be intentional. Just lift your head from your mobile device for only a few minutes, and you will begin to see Kindness opportunities. The older man in the parking lot could be appreciative when you bring his shopping cart back to the store. An exhausted new mom would be grateful when you pick up her baby’s pacifier that she may not even know has been dropped. A friend may need the kind words of encouragement, more than you know. Intentionally seek Kindness opportunities, and they will be numerous.
2. Be the glue. When our lives are humming along nicely, we forget how significantly Kindness can affect us. After all, we think that we don’t need anything from anyone. But when our world starts to crumble from difficult circumstances, a seemingly small act of Kindness feels exponentially more significant to the recipient than it does to the giver. I know, since I’ve been on the receiving end when my soul was shattered like glass. Every moment of Kindness, from strangers and loved ones alike, felt like soul superglue, like my heart might not fall to pieces after all. It did not solve my problems, but it got me through. It gave me hope. The degree to which Kindness impacts someone will vary from time to time, but it will always mend brokenness, even if just a little.
3. Be a recipient. Lastly, be open to receiving Kindness. The next time someone offers you the give of Kindness, accept, and you both will benefit. Receiving Kindness is equally vital as giving Kindness. Kindness requires both a giver and a receiver, graciously be both.
An awakening lens
You will likely never know if someone with an armful of bags that you casually open the door for is also carrying a heavy burden in their heart or mind. This Cleveland Clinic video illustrates that point profoundly and forever changed my perspective.
So, you only need to look around for someone in need to make a significant impact. Presume heartache in others, respond accordingly with Kindness, and you will better the world. Assuming that everyone can benefit from Kindness is an awakening lens through which to view all people.
Are you ready to put Kindness into action for yourself and others? No mask and cape required, just awareness so that you can see opportunities and avoid Kryptonite. Good luck on your mission, Kindness Superhero!
ROCK thru and use your Kindness superpower! XO ~Lee