What Kindness is

Kindness is the K in ROCK thru and defined as “generous consideration through action.” It is simply, sharing love when you recognize a need or opportunity. Think back to a time when someone showed you love through their actions. How did it feel? Even the smallest actions can make someone feel profoundly seen and valued.

Here is an example of how even the lowest amount of effort can show kindness to another. Imagine it’s a Saturday morning, you are first out of bed and to the kitchen. Then, while getting your mug out of the cabinet for your coffee, you grab one for your partner too. The mug is ready and waiting for when your partner goes to get their morning coffee.

This small action says so much:

• I know you.
• I care about you.
• I think about you.
• I consider you.
• I love you.

Simply taking an extra mug out of the cabinet validates your partner’s existence and your relationship.

Kindness is a universal way to show love to anyone that you encounter. For example, you can show Kindness to a stranger you may never see again by taking their shopping cart from the parking lot back to the store. Likewise, you can show Kindness to yourself by going to bed when you are tired. In all of these scenarios, you proactively become aware of someone’s need and respond with a gesture that fulfills the need.

Why Kindness matters

ROCK thru was born from identifying the similarities of more than one hundred proven and often researched life approaches. Although it may be tempting to assume that Kindness is a “feel-good” topic without scientific benefit, it too is backed by rigorous data. Here are a few data points from the world-renowned Mayo Clinic Health System:

Kindness can

• Decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a stress hormone that directly impacts stress levels.¹
• Contribute to a healthier and longer life.¹
• Increase your sense of connectivity with others, directly impacting loneliness, improving low mood, and enhancing relationships.¹
• Boosts serotonin and dopamine, neurotransmitters in the brain that give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being.¹
• Release endorphins, your body’s natural pain killer.¹

The Dalai Lama summarizes the benefits of Kindness in this way, “Taking care of others, helping others, ultimately is the way to discover your own joy and have a happy life.”² Although the Dalai Lama’s statement is not backed by data points, it’s backed by extensive experience and insight.

How to apply Kindness

The most challenging part of Kindness surprises some people. It’s not the action part because usually, showing Kindness doesn’t take much time or effort. Instead, the hardest part of Kindness is being aware enough to recognize the need. With so many things consuming our mind-space throughout the day, we hardly notice our own needs, let alone the needs of others. However, when we can consciously be present in the current moment, Kindness opportunities will present themselves in droves. For example, many opportunities will appear at the grocery store when you are only concentrating on your grocery list and the people around you:

• An older woman needs her shopping cart brought back to the store from the parking lot.
• A baby needs his pacifier picked up.
• A busy deli worker needs patience and a smile.
• A stocker needs help with a heavy box.
• A vertically challenged person (like me) needs a package from the top shelf.
• A man needs a cart for his armload of groceries. (He was probably only going to “run in for one thing.”)
• A cashier needs a word of encouragement after being criticized by a frustrated customer.
• A frazzled mom needs her agitated toddler entertained in the checkout line.

Although it seems simple enough to help another person in need, there are some barriers. The Kindness Test, the largest ever worldwide public science project on Kindness, uncovered many insights into people’s relationship to Kindness. Like, the most common reason people don’t carry out kind acts is that they fear that the person they approach might misinterpret their intentions to help.³ The easiest way to overcome this fear is just to ask. Asking, “Can I give you a hand with that?” allows you to consider the other person’s situation. It also allows the recipient to accept the offer of Kindness on their terms.

The second-most-common reason people gave for not being kinder was a lack of time.³ Although there are acts of Kindness, such as volunteering or organizing a fundraiser, these require a more significant time commitment; most do not. In fact, all of the grocery store Kindness examples listed above can take 30 seconds or less.

In a time when our world seems to be divided and falling apart, Kindness can make a significant positive impact. So the next time you are headed to the grocery store, consider making an intentional effort to notice a need and share some Kindness. Both, you and those you share Kindness with, will have physical and emotional benefits. 

Sources

1. “The art of kindness.” The Mayo Clinic Health System. May 2020 https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/the-art-of-kindness.  Accessed 1 July 2022.

2. Bstan-ʼdzin-rgya-mtsho and Desmond Tutu. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World. 2016. Print.

3. “What stops people from being kinder?” BBC. March 2022. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220323-what-stops-people-from-being-kinder. Accessed 1 July 2022.