ROCK thru your happiness gap
by Lee Havenga | January 5, 2023
“The gap between what your soul loves and how much time you spend doing it, will be the size of your unhappiness.” ~ Paul Scanlon
RESPECT
Happiness begins with self-respect. Accept yourself unconditionally so that first, you know that you deserve to feel joy. Then, prioritize yourself enough to do it.
Apply it
Begin to narrow the happiness gap by allowing yourself to feel happy. It seems simple, but if you’re overcome by grief, sorrow, or guilt, you know that feeling happy can be difficult. We all have regrets, but it’s time to stop the suffering, my friend. Instead, give yourself permission to feel joy. Know that you deserve to be happy, no matter what happened or what you did. To love yourself unconditionally means wanting happiness regardless of your past.
OWNERSHIP
You’re in charge of your own happiness.
Apply it
First, measure your current happiness gap.
Awareness: List five things you love to do that are feasible for you each week. (For most of us, taking a cruise or hiking Mount Everest each week isn’t possible.) If you want a template for this activity, you can download a free one here. What small activities bring you joy, like doing the Sunday crossword puzzle, calling a friend, volunteering, baking, or mountain biking? What makes you smile? What makes you feel alive and energized? Don’t overthink this. Jot down a few things to do each week that make you feel good. Next to each of these activities, note how many times a week you currently do these things. If you do an activity every day, write “7.” If you don’t do an activity even once a week, write “0.”
Acceptance: Review the list, and the numbers will speak for themselves. If you see mostly 0-2s, your happiness can likely increase quite a bit. If there are primarily 5-7s, your happiness gap is smaller, but there’s always room for more happiness. Accept the results of this assessment as truth and something you’d like to change.
Now, make a plan to make your happiness gap smaller.
Action: Choose just one activity that you can do at least one additional time a week. Consider the current activities that consume your time, like social media scrolling and Netflix binging. What are you willing to trade for happiness? Carve out a reasonable and sustainable plan to do the activity. Let others know of your plan, and ask for their support in helping you protect the goal you’ve set. Then, go for it!
In a week, check-in. Did you do your joy activity? Were there barriers that prevented you from doing it? How can you ensure you do it the next week?
CONNECTION
We must nourish our bodies to live.
We must nourish our souls to feel alive.
Apply it
We need to give our bodies food, water, and sleep to function and be healthy. After that, our next priority should be to feed our souls and do what connects us to ourselves, our people, and our God. These Connections are where happiness lives.
KINDNESS
The ultimate act of self-kindness is to give ourselves the time and space for what brings us happiness.
Apply it
Be kind to yourself by being intentional about your happiness. Take 10 minutes to do the activity in the Ownership section above and choose just one activity to add to your week. Then add others when you’re ready. The more you add, the smaller your happiness gap will be.
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