ROCK thru with more courage to change
ABUNDANT LIVING SERIES
by Lee Havenga | September 26, 2024
The courage to change behaviors that no longer serve us begins with healing the past wounds that keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns.
On my own healing journey, I’ve realized that life is like sailing a boat. As children, we set off on our course, but along the way, holes begin to form in the hull—caused by painful, terrifying, or lonely experiences. As children, we don’t always have the resources or tools to fix those wounds properly, so we do our best to patch them up to stop or avoid pain.
Finding the Courage to Change by Repairing the Source
As we continue to sail, our leaks get larger, and our patches often become even more complex—distractions or habits that might seem to protect us from the pain but don’t fix the hole. We feel exhausted and empty, constantly trying to stay afloat with our temporary repairs.
In this Abundant Living series article, we’ll explore how the ROCK thru principle of Ownership helps us find the courage to pause and dock our boat to assess and repair the damage for a future of smoother sailing.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
the courage to change the one I can
and the wisdom to know that one is me.
Download a printable version of this Serenity Prayer to inspire your courage to change.
OWNERSHIP
Apply it
The Key to Courageous Change
Gaining the courage to change starts with Ownership—taking full responsibility for our own emotions, actions, and healing. Ownership means recognizing that while we can’t control what happened in the past, we can control how we respond and choose to heal.
When you take Ownership of your past pain or unhealed wounds, you stop looking for outside solutions or blaming others for where you are today. Instead, you embrace the power of choice. And that’s where real courage comes in—the courage to face what’s been holding you back and to make the changes you’ve been avoiding. This is the hard but necessary work that leads to lasting transformation.
Apply it: A step-by-step approach to help you take Ownership and find the courage to change
- Identify Your Patches: Before we can fix the hole, we must recognize how we’ve been patching it. For me, my patches have been distraction through busyness—filling every moment with tasks to avoid sitting with uncomfortable emotions—and protection through perfectionism, trying to control every detail so I wouldn’t feel vulnerable. What about you? Be honest with yourself about ways you’ve been numbing the pain from your wounds.
- Acknowledge your part: While we didn’t choose the original childhood wounds, as an adult, we have a role in how it shapes our behaviors. Where have you been avoiding the challenging work by using temporary fixes?
- Take responsibility: Stop waiting for someone else to make things right or change for you. Are you so exhausted struggling to stay afloat that you’re ready to trade your patches for healing?
- Seek resources: Whether through therapy, support groups, or reading, find people and tools that help you face and heal the wounds. Dr. Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly encourages us to embrace vulnerability as a source of strength in this process. What support do you need so you can be brave enough to be uncomfortable?
- Stay consistent: Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Keep taking small, courageous steps toward change, even when it feels difficult. We empower ourselves to make sustainable changes by owning our healing process every day. As Dr. Brown puts it, vulnerability is where courage and change truly intersect. What support do you need to be consistently courageous?
By embracing Ownership, you’re taking control of your life’s direction. ROCK thru with more courage to change, and you’ll no longer have to rely on constant patches or exhausting willpower—your boat will be whole again, ready to sail steadily and navigate any storm with resilience.
XO ~ Lee
Source:
Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books, 2012.
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