ROCK thru When Things Fall Apart
by Lee Havenga | March 30, 2023
Last week I attended a funeral honoring a great man and sharing a sliver of his wife and children’s suffering. Just hours ago, my best friend and her family pulled out of the driveway after a short visit. Unfortunately, both people left too soon, in different ways, with varying degrees of heartache — from catastrophic to trivial. People departing is just one experience that can make us feel like things are falling apart.
ROCK thru was born after recognizing four common principles in almost all successful personal, professional, and spiritual growth approaches. In the book, “ When Things Fall Apart,” Pema Chödrön shares Buddhist wisdom to ROCK thru grief and sadness in a way many don’t even realize is possible.
RESPECT
“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”
~ When Things Fall Apart
Apply it
The courage to look inward and be with ourselves during distressing times is only possible when we love ourselves. Knowing we have unconditional value allows us to accept who we are and endure challenges. Self-Respect is a daily practice, continually and humbly loving yourself. Here are 22 simple ideas for your self-Respect journey.
OWNERSHIP
“Not causing harm requires staying awake. Part of being awake is slowing down enough to notice what we say and do. The more we witness our emotional chain reactions and understand how they work, the easier it is to refrain. It becomes a way of life to stay awake, slow down, and notice.″
~ When Things Fall Apart
Apply it
The ROCK thru practice of Ownership involves three steps: awareness (or, as Pema describes, staying awake,) acceptance, and action. How can you stay awake and become conscious of your emotions and associated actions? Consider first focusing on learning to become aware of the details surrounding just a single feeling, such as frustration, grief, or sadness. Then, take a week to notice and write down the details. What people or actions spark this emotion? How does it feel in your body? How do you react? What can you do to influence the increase or decrease of this emotion?
CONNECTION
Whether we experience what happens to us as obstacle and enemy or as teacher and friend depends entirely on our perception of reality. It depends on our relationship with ourselves.″
~ When Things Fall Apart
Apply it
Can you see the next ‘challenge’ in your life as a teacher or friend?
KINDNESS
“It is said that we can’t attain enlightenment, let alone feel contentment and joy, without seeing who we are and what we do, without seeing our patterns and our habits. This is called maitri – developing loving-kindness and an unconditional friendship with ourselves.”
~ When Things Fall Apart
Apply it
Do something intentional every day to show yourself maitri (pronounced ‘my-tree’), the Sanskrit word that describes generous consideration. It can be anything that supports a healthy body and peaceful mind. Even mindfully and lovingly drinking a glass of nourishing water can be a beautiful act of maitri. How does it feel to give yourself loving Kindness? Can you be generous to yourself? Can you accept it?
Check out other teachings and philosophies that have the four ROCKthru principles as cornerstones.
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