ROCK thru New Year goals with the unexpected power of Kindness
by Lee Havenga | January 25, 2024
When thinking of self-kindness, what typically comes to mind is treating ourselves to indulgences that bring momentary joy—an exquisite matcha latte, a relaxing bath, or indulgent purchases we deem well-deserved. According to the ROCK thru definition of Kindness, it’s more than fleeting pleasures; it’s about generous consideration through action on a deeper level. While spoiling ourselves is undeniably delightful, there’s another facet to self-kindness—delving deep into what we truly need for a beautiful and fulfilling life and taking actionable steps to make it happen.
If a boost in mental and physical health requires more daily movement, be kind to yourself by peeling out of bed for that morning walk (yes, I’m talking to myself, too). If a dream and an incredible business plan are tucked away, dust it off and pursue it. Are you feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disheartened? Be kind by scheduling time with a friend or counselor to take that crucial step towards contentment. Join me as we conclude this 4-part series on meeting your New Year’s intention with Kindness—by challenging yourself to do the difficult things that yield long-term rewards.
Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is to force ourselves to be uncomfortable.
KINDNESS
1. Embrace What You Need
Kindness begins with understanding your true needs.
Ask yourself:
“I need to feel more __________________ (fill in the blank).”
“I need to feel less ___________________ (fill in the blank).”
Be brutally honest; your needs are the fuel for your journey. If you need to feel more energized, the act of Kindness may lie in a morning walk, not just the temporary caffeine boost.
2. Make a Plan to Fulfill Your Need
With your needs identified, employ proven habit-forming techniques and supportive connections (from the articles shared on January 11 and 18) to craft a meaningful plan. List the small steps required to reach your goal.
If you need better mental health, your plan might include small steps like researching a local therapist, asking friends for recommendations, and making an appointment. Every completed action is a gift of Kindness. Conversely, every incomplete step is a missed opportunity for Kindness.
3. Celebrate Your Wins
Lavishly celebrate each step towards your goal. Whether it’s going to bed early, not hitting snooze, putting on your shoes, or making it out the door to take a walk—celebrate every step with emotional confetti. Celebrating progress feels good and propels you toward the next achievement.
4. Love Yourself Unconditionally
In moments of faltering, which we all inevitably encounter, shower yourself with generous consideration. Not excuses—just an acknowledgment that change is a demanding journey.
What you truly need after a stumble is encouragement, not punishment. Dr. Kristen Neff’s extensive research on self-compassion scientifically confirms that we respond more positively to the proverbial ‘carrot’ than to the ‘stick’ of punishing and berating thoughts.
So, let go of that stick—it serves no purpose unless it’s to lift your victory flag high. The next time a misstep takes you off course, reassure yourself with compassionate encouragement: “Today didn’t go as planned, but what I’m working towards is challenging. I’ll reset tomorrow with the reminder that I love myself, no matter the outcome. Onward.”
So, as you work towards embedding a new intention into your life, self-kindness is critical. Celebrate each step toward your goals. And, in moments of defeat, acknowledge the journey’s difficulty and encourage yourself with compassion. ROCK thru the challenges, stay resilient, and let self-Kindness be your greatest ally.
XO ~ Lee
Source:
Self-Compassion, Dr. Kristen Neff. Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. https://self-compassion.org/.
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