ROCK thru gift giving
by Lee Havenga | December 22, 2022
RESPECT
It turns out that it really is the thought that counts. Data shows that the thoughtfulness of a gift overshadows its worth.
Apply it
Most of us have a finite amount of expendable money to spend on gifts. Remember, we give gifts so the recipient feels loved and known. And research studies show that receivers appreciate thoughtfulness more than relative value. Putting yourself in financial hardship or adding to credit card debt isn’t showing love to yourself or others. So give what you can, meaningfully, without sacrificing your economic well-being. You are valuable unconditionally. And you aren’t more valuable if you spend more than you can afford on presents.
OWNERSHIP
When considering a gift, ask yourself, is the “wow” I’m seeking for them or me? Choose gifts that make the recipients feel known by giving what they need or will use. Even if it feels lackluster to you, if it’s what the recipient likes, they’ll love your gift.
Apply it
We all have an overzealous desire to spark feelings of “wow” when we give a gift. But studies show that recipients appreciate the long-term value and utility more than a fleeting moment of glee while opening a gift.
Leverage the three A’s of Ownership: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action, and you’ll be sure to give a gift that brings long-term happiness.
1. Become Aware of what brings someone joy. And also, be conscious when you filter gift ideas based on how a gift reflects who YOU are. This unconscious filter looks like this…
I know that they will love this, but it’s…
…not very extravagant (and I want to look financially successful)
…too dull (and it doesn’t show my creativity)
…practical (and I want to give something fun)
2. Accept these truths: You know what the recipient likes and how the ways you want to be perceived can influence your gift selection.
3. When you take gift-decision Action, focus solely on what will bring joy to the other person. Fight the urge to incorporate your preferences or boost your ego at the risk of overshadowing the recipient’s preference.
Here are a few examples:
For the eco-conscious reader of the Jack Reacher book series, opt for a used copy of the next book in the series.
For the sushi-loving colleague moving to a new city, give a gift card to the 5-star Asian restaurant in their new neighborhood.
For the friend knee-deep in work stress, consider a curated compilation of YouTube meditations for 10 minutes of daily solitude.
These gifts focus on the recipient’s needs and wants, not on the giver’s desire to spark the wow!
CONNECTION
Still, trying to figure out what to give? Just ask. Make a Connection to enable joy!
Apply it
How would you feel if someone asked, “Can you give me a few ideas on what you may need or what may bring you joy?” Most welcome this thoughtful Connection. Yet, givers are reluctant to give expected presents. But, data shows that a surprise or new gift idea is not critical to be considered a “good gift.”
My niece and I were in a fun handbag exchange rhythm for several years. But this Christmas, I asked her, “What would bring you joy?” Her answer was different than our usual purse. She shared that a gift card to a home improvement store would help her and her husband with their basement project.
Instead of being deflated by giving her a practical and expected gift, I reframed the present as a joy-enabler. I’m giving them exactly what they need to help them to create the beautiful space they want.
Each year this same niece thoughtfully gives my husband a daily calendar featuring the Dilbert comic strip. This repeat gift brings Brett joy every day. As a matter of fact, he looks forward to it. And isn’t joy the real measure of the perfect gift?
KINDNESS
Kindness is the greatest gift of all.
Apply it
During a time that can be extra busy and stressful, give a smile, patience, and acceptance because some of the most precious gifts are the simplest.
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