ROCK thru friendship breakups
by Lee Havenga | December 28, 2023
Friendships, while usually enriching our lives, can turn complex and unhealthy. Sometimes, connections that once brought joy transition to feeling like a weight. Friendship dynamics can evolve, and it’s crucial to recognize and act when a friendship needs adjustment. Feelings of discomfort or misalignment may arise, and signs like a lack of shared priorities, emotional drain, or unbalanced effort could indicate a need for change. The four ROCK thru principles —Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness — act as beacons, guiding us through the process of recognizing and reshaping friendships that may be negatively impacting us.
When the weight of a friendship becomes heavier than its joy,
it’s okay to set it down.
RESPECT
Apply it
1. Value your well-being.
Acknowledge the harmful impacts of negative friendships on our mental and physical well-being. According to insights from a scientific research study, the emotional strain of a negative relationship increases stress, which is detrimental to our cardiovascular system and our ability to leverage healthy coping mechanisms like communication, emotional regulation, and problem-solving. Leverage self-respect by recognizing problematic friendships and either working to improve them or releasing yourself from them altogether.
OWNERSHIP
Apply it
2. Start with an Emotion-Free Assessment.
Taking Ownership always begins with becoming aware of the specifics of a situation. Conduct an emotion-free assessment of the friendship. Look at various angles, considering both positive and negative aspects and contributions by you and your friend. A balanced perspective allows you to make decisions based on facts, enabling you to navigate challenges more effectively. Roxy Zarrabi, a clinical psychologist, shares eight signs that may indicate a concerning friendship:
- Your friend consistently prioritizes other aspects of their life over your friendship.
- There’s a noticeable decline in the level of connection and shared interests.
- You find yourself giving more than receiving, creating an imbalanced dynamic.
- Your friend consistently disrespects your boundaries or values.
- Dishonesty or a lack of trust becomes a recurring issue.
- You feel drained, anxious, or negative after spending time together.
- Your friend downplays your accomplishments or shows signs of jealousy.
- The friendship has become competitive rather than supportive.
3. End Unhealthy Friendships.
If you’ve recognized these signs and concluded it’s time to end the friendship, have a direct and honest conversation. According to wellness consultant Kara Mayer Robinson, addressing the issues openly, respectfully, and firmly is essential. Here are some tips:
- Communicate your reasons for stepping away in a kind way.
- Communicate openly and directly about the issues.
- Express your reasons for stepping away with respect and Kindness.
- Show empathy even if the breakup is one-sided.
CONNECTION
Apply it
4. Make Space for Healthy Connections.
For well-rounded well-being, positive Connections are absolutely essential. Although it can be difficult, sometimes making space for these healthy Connections means disconnecting from others. If you end an unhealthy friendship, shift your time and energy and reinvest it into meaningful Connections to yourself and others, gaining a supportive network and emotional fulfillment.
KINDNESS
Apply it
5. Uphold Empathetic Boundaries.
Ending a relationship with empathy means recognizing and sharing the pain of the separation while supporting your necessary boundaries. It may feel as though you are hurting your friend, but being in an unproductive relationship isn’t beneficial to anyone. Sometimes, being brave enough to release them from an unhealthy bond is the kindest thing you can do.
Navigating the complexities of friend breakups is undoubtedly challenging. Strive for balance by consciously ending friendships that no longer serve you while steadfastly maintaining those positive, supportive bonds. ROCK thru life, creating reciprocal friendships that truly lift you up and contribute to your overall well-being.
XO ~ Lee
Sources:
- Ratini, M., & Robinson, K. M. (2023). How to End a Friendship. WebMD.
- Pietromonaco, P. R., & Collins, N. L. (2023). The Good, the Bad, and the Variable: Examining Stress and Blood Pressure Responses to Close Relationships. Sage Journals.
- Zarrabi, R. (2023). 9 Signs That It’s Time to End a Friendship. Psychology Today.
Get more like this, right to your inbox
Want to inspire a friend?
Forward this on so they can
ROCK thru too!