ROCK thru when you feel disconnected from friends
by Lee Havenga | November 2, 2023
You find yourself in the midst of an animated conversation, and the topic is a comedy series everyone is obsessing over. The problem? You haven’t seen a single episode. The laughter and camaraderie around you make it tempting to pretend, to nod along as if you’re part of the binge-watching club. But deep down, you know it’s a facade. Connecting about a show you’ve never watched feels hollow and fleeting. But how do you feel the bond of friendship even when you feel disconnected?
Research shows that loyalty is the number one quality people look for in close friendships, trumping the need for mirrored interests. It’s more about how you stand up for your friend than what you have in common. You can ROCK thru and resist the urge to conform, and instead, be yourself and focus on being loyal when opportunities arise.
True friendship is not measured by the similarities we share but by the loyalty that withstands the test of differences
RESPECT
Respect yourself through differences
Apply it
Authenticity in friendship starts with self-respect. Here are actionable ways to honor your true self when you may be tempted to abandon yourself and conform.
1. Firm Beliefs, Open Mind
Situation: Friends rally and agree on a news topic that conflicts with your beliefs.
Action: Respect yourself by standing firm in your convictions while remaining open-minded to others’ perspectives. Engage in non-judgmental conversations that seek understanding and allow for diverse opinions without compromising your authenticity.
2. Keep Focused on Your Goals
Situation: Your friends are enthusiastically planning an extravagant weekend getaway, but you are committed to getting out of debt.
Action:
- Stay true to your financial aspirations by openly communicating with your friends.
- While celebrating their excitement, express your commitment to fiscal responsibility.
- Propose alternative, budget-friendly activities that align with your goal.
- Communicate that it’s okay if they go without you (and mean it), or if you go, you’ll stay back for some of the pricier adventures.
Authentic friendships respect each other’s journeys, fostering understanding and support.
3. Exchange Curiosity and Growth
Situation: Your friend is passionate about a hobby that doesn’t interest you.
Action: Be genuinely interested in your friends’ pastimes, even if they differ from yours, letting them share details and updates that excite them. Cultivate curiosity, and you might discover new hobbies or expand your knowledge. Authentic friendships thrive on the joy of communicating with one another.
OWNERSHIP
Take Ownership and Show Loyalty
Apply it
Loyalty in friendship sometimes demands courage and bravery. Here are real-world examples of how to take Ownership to be loyal in challenging situations.
4. Defend Against Gossip
Situation: Someone talks negatively about your friend behind their back.
Action: Address the issue directly, expressing your discomfort with the conversation. Share positive aspects about your friend to counter the negativity.
5. Support without Judgement
Situation: Your friend makes a decision or mistake that doesn’t align with your values.
Action: Have an open and honest conversation about your concerns while making it clear that your loyalty to them is unwavering. Help them navigate the consequences and offer guidance without judgment, standing by them when they need support the most.
6. Celebrate Successes Without Envy
Situation: You and your friend simultaneously embark on entrepreneurial ventures, but your friend’s business reached a significant milestone while yours is still navigating the early stages.
Action: When your friend achieves a milestone, be genuinely happy for them. Avoid jealousy or comparison and celebrate their success as if it were your own. Loyalty shines when you can bask in their achievements without any hint of envy.
True friendships aren’t about conforming against your authenticity; they’re about standing firm in who you are while standing by each other. ROCK thru! XO ~ Lee
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