ROCK thru the deflating 'New Year, New You' trend with Respect
by Lee Havenga | January 4, 2024
Every year, many embark on the ritual of setting New Year’s resolutions, only to find themselves entangled in a cycle of pressure, willpower, failure, and then shame. Research from The University of Scranton reveals that a staggering 92% of adults won’t follow through on their resolutions.
Take the stereotypical resolutions—shedding pounds, career leaps, or picture-perfect closet organization—that society whispers we should strive for. These expectations often lead to a sense of inadequacy and an endless loop of failed resolutions.
In this four-part series, let’s explore how behavior shifts rooted in Respect for yourself is change that sticks.
Change based on your values expands you.
Change based on imposed inadequacies hurts you.
RESPECT
Apply it
1. Release Shame
Refuse to let shame dictate the need for change. You don’t have to feel compelled to improve constantly. Embrace the truth that you are valuable just as you are—without the pressure to upgrade or become a better version of yourself. Accept yourself in the present moment, acknowledging that you are doing your best. You may decide to make a shift as the New Year begins, but make it on your terms, making a change that reveals more of who you are, not changes who you are. Shame has never been a catalyst for positive change; it only hinders progress.
2. Know your Why
Before contemplating any change, understand your motivation. Utilize the “5 whys” technique to delve into the root cause. If the final ‘why’ doesn’t align with your values, reconsider and stay true to yourself. (Want to dive deeper into discovering your values? Read this ROCK thru article with a free download on how to understand your personal values.)
Instead of feeling obligated to change because you “should,” view a change as a pathway to being more ‘you’—a process of becoming more authentically yourself. Let’s explore two “5 whys” examples to illustrate the importance of understanding your why.
This year, I’m going to work out more.
Why? I want to lose weight.
Why? I’m not attractive at my current weight.
Why? My body type is not desirable.
Why? The “perfect body” on social media is different than my body.
Why? Societal standards have convinced me that my worth is tied to my appearance.
This ‘why’ sequence reveals a resolution rooted in societal expectations, driven by external influences and an imposed sense of inadequacy.
This year, I’m going to work out more.
Why? I want to lose weight.
Why? I want to be healthier.
Why? I want to have a high quality of life.
Why? I want to be able to do the activities that I enjoy.
Why? Travel and hiking make me happy.
In this second example, the ‘why’ sequence reflects an intention rooted in personal values and desires, emphasizing a connection to one’s true self and the pursuit of genuine happiness.
Shift towards intentions that uncover your true self, not mold you into someone else’s expectations. Peel away the layers of external influences, marketing messages, and fears. Align desired behavior shifts to your values and authenticity.
3. Embrace an Intention
Shift away from rigid resolutions and embrace the power of setting intentions—a flexible and continuous commitment to how you’d like to show up. Unlike the all-or-nothing mindset of resolutions, intentions allow for adaptability and growth. Consider the distinction between a rigid resolution and a flexible intention.
Rigid Resolution:
“I will work out every single day this year until I meet my goal weight.”
Flexible Intention:
“I intend to prioritize my physical well-being by incorporating more movement into my routine.”
In the rigid resolution, success is narrowly defined, leading to potential disappointment and discouragement when faced with unexpected challenges. On the other hand, the flexible intention acknowledges the importance of consistency while recognizing that life may present unforeseen circumstances, allowing for adjustments without compromising the overall goal. Holding an intention provides the space for self-compassion, resilience, and a more sustainable approach to personal growth.
As you embark on the journey of considering life changes, remember that Respect is the cornerstone. Whether you’re uncovering aspects of your true self or choosing intentional shifts, lean into your unconditional value. In the pursuit of lasting change, Respect paves the way for meaningful transformations or recognizing that you don’t need to change at all. So, ROCK thru and unveil the extraordinary within you.
XO ~ Lee
Sources:
Kämmerer, Annette. “The Scientific Underpinnings and Impacts of Shame.” Scientific American, 9 August 2019, https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-scientific-underpinnings-and-impacts-of-shame
Mind Tools Content Team. “5 Whys: Getting to the Root of a Problem Quickly.” Mind Tools, https://www.mindtools.com/a3mi00v/5-whys
Diamond, Dan. “Just 8% of People Achieve Their New Year’s Resolutions. Here’s How They Do It.” Forbes, 1 Jan. 2013, https://www.forbes.com/sites/dandiamond/2013/01/01/just-8-of-people-achieve-their-new-years-resolutions-heres-how-they-did-it/?sh=20c9c7d0596b
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