Connection: Overcoming Phubbing in Relationships
Respect • Ownership • Connection • Kindness
By Lee Havenga | February 13, 2025
Overcoming phubbing in relationships is key to fostering deeper Connections in our tech-driven world. We’ve all felt the sting of being ‘phubbed,’ someone paying more attention to their phone than us—even if we didn’t know it had a name. With the average American checking their phone 205 times a day, it’s no surprise that digital distractions often take priority. But overcoming phubbing doesn’t have to be complicated and can even be fun. A simple yet powerful technique—storytelling—can help us ROCK thru and build meaningful Connections with those we care about.
APPLY IT IN 10-15 MINUTES
1. Get Distraction-Free
Set aside 10 minutes of uninterrupted time. Put away all phones and devices, and sit somewhere comfortable where you can focus solely on each other.
2. Share a Personal Story
Share a meaningful personal story with your partner—something that holds emotional significance, like a memorable lesson learned or a turning point in your life. Be open and honest.
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- “I remember when I was younger, I felt really scared of…”
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- “A time I learned something important was when…”
3. Engage as a Listener
Listen to the story with genuine curiosity and attention. Once the storyteller has finished, the listener asks questions to explore the story further.
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- “What were you feeling during that moment?”
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- “How did that change the way you think about things?”
4. Reflect Together
Take a moment to reflect on what you each learned about each other and how it strengthens your bond.
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- “What did learn about you today?”
5. Switch Roles
Next time you have 10-15 minutes for this technique, deepen your Connection by changing storyteller/listener roles.
DEEPEN THE IMPACT of STORYTELLING
When sharing a story, aim to describe the emotions you felt in the moment—this helps your partner connect on a deeper emotional level. Avoid rushing through your story; take your time, use descriptive language, and express vulnerability.
As a listener, give your partner your full attention and avoid interrupting or offering solutions. Instead, ask open-ended questions that invite your partner to expand on their feelings and experiences, creating a space for deeper connection and empathy.
MORE STORYTELLING RESOURCES
For more on how storytelling can enhance relationships, check out this article:
Storytelling in a Relationship
Sources:
Hughes, Jeanne M., Justina Oliveira, and Crystal Bickford. “The Power of Storytelling to Facilitate Human Connection and Learning.“ Impact, Summer 2022, Boston University.
Wheelwright, Trevor. “Cell Phone Usage Stats 2025: Americans Check Their Phones 205 Times a Day.” Reviews.org, 1 Jan. 2025.
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