A friend of mine, who has been following ROCK thru since the beginning, recently asked me how ROCK thru can really be applied to everyday life. She understood each of the four principles, Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness, and they sounded great in theory. But, she wanted to know how to solve life problems using ROCK principles. To explain how the ROCK principles can be applied to help you through life’s challenges, big and small, below are ten scenarios of life problems and how to ROCK thru them.

Before you dive into the examples here are a few things to keep in mind. 

Applying the Principles to Life Problems

Life problems are unique

These examples are meant to provide a better understanding of how to ROCK thru a challenging situation. There is a good chance that none of these examples will perfectly fit your unique lens of life. But hopefully, there will be a few moments, maybe even pieced together from different scenarios, that you can relate to. When you read through the examples, you may sense some repetitiveness, and that’s the point. As you apply the principles to your own life, you begin to see that they are consistently applicable, no matter the challenge.

Life problems are unpredictable

Most life problem solutions rely on interactions with other people in our interdependent culture, and people are unpredictable. This is why I don’t play out the scenarios to the final solution. I don’t want to paint the picture of applying these principles and living “happily ever after.” Instead, the scenarios are intended to show the intentional process, mind shift, and approach when applying these principles. As Patrick M. Regan said, “…remind yourself that the only thing you can truly control is you – and your reaction to what the world throws at you.” The scenarios give you an idea of how to use the ROCK principles to control your reactions to life problems, not anyone else’s.

It can be difficult to solve life problems

ROCK thru is an approach to life, not a quick fix for substantial challenges. These principles aren’t magic, and applying them takes some diligence. It also takes a fair amount of courage and self-awareness to pull off. But I’ve found that although difficult, working through a problem in this way gets me to a better solution, faster. I’m sharing this not to overwhelm you but to be forthright. Also, without this context, some of the scenarios will seem grossly oversimplified. We live in a complex world with complex problems that don’t usually have simple answers. But ROCK thru provides a framework to apply love, through Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness, to help get through those difficult times and solve life problems.

Solving life problems can be messy

In the beginning, when the four principles (Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness) began to emerge, I was frustrated when they didn’t fit neatly into their own categories. After a while, I began to realize that way the principles converge is part of their beauty. They naturally flow into one another, combining into one thing, love.

How to apply R.O.C.K. to Solve Life Problems

So just how do you apply each of the ROCK principles to work through a problem? Below is a quick summary to provide the background of the thinking behind what you will read in the examples. As you review the scenarios, click on these information icons for a reminder of how each principle can be applied. 

There is a visual summary infographic at the bottom of this page if you want a simple overview and reference of how to apply Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness to solve life problems. 

Apply Respect to Solve a Life Problem

Name all of the people in the situation and what aspects of Respect you can give. Always include yourself since you can’t truly offer Respect to others if you don’t grant it to yourself first. Also, even if you feel resentful towards another person, dig deep to find an aspect of their character that you can honor. This will be an essential foundation so that you can ROCK thru the situation.

Apply Ownership (and the three A’s) to Solve a Life Problem

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

Be sure that you look at the situation from multiple perspectives, especially those of other people who may have a different outlook. This is where you search and layout all the truths; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Ownership and Connection often overlap here because you may need to reach out to others to have a well-rounded understanding.

Take Action on the Truths:

This step can be overwhelming, so when dealing with a complex issue, it is best to write down the actions you plan to take. Break down the actions that you plan to take into manageable steps. I find it best when they are “SMART” (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) actions so that your plan is realistic and doable.

An example of a higher-level SMART action is: “Eliminate all of my credit card debt, $3,419.27, in six months.”

An example of a lower-level task action (a step towards the larger goal) is: “Cancel current credit cards so that no more debt can be accumulated.”

Of course, writing the steps down is only the first step to taking action. Next, you will need to work through the actions you have listed. If you get stuck or overwhelmed, go back to the other principles. Remind yourself of the Respect you have for yourself and others involved in the situation. This reminds you of an important aspect of why you are working to solve the problem in the first place. Make Connections with those in your support system and/or get professional help. And as you are taking action, impart Kindness on yourself. Working through to a solution is not easy so give yourself a break along the way.

Most times it is fear that holds us back from taking action. That’s too much to unpack here but to gain a better understanding go to this post about overcoming fear and finding courage. 

Apply Connection to Solve a Life Problem

When using the ROCK principles to problem solve, Connection can be the most difficult of the four. We are often not comfortable with sharing our issues with others for fear of judgment. We are also not accustomed to reaching out for help or support. However, this principle adds the vital support, accountability, and perspective needed to quickly reach a solution. Be brave, find someone you trust or a professional and start making progress.

Apply Kindness to Solve a Life Problem

Although you are reading the principles in the order that spells out the ROCK acronym (Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness), the pillars are meant to overlap and be integrated as you work through to your solution. When generous consideration is given to others, solutions come more easily and quickly. We can disagree and be kind to each other at the same time.  

Although being kind sounds nice, the truth is that it’s not easy. It takes conscious effort and practice to do so. Especially when it comes to being kind to ourselves. Kindness to others begins with being kind to yourself. Make learning about and developing self-love activities a priority. 

10 Examples of how to ROCK thru to solve life problems

These ten examples are written in the first person, the “I” perspective, so the life problem and solution can be relatable. Think of these questions and responses as if you are having a conversation with yourself. Applying the ROCK thru principles is much like that anyway. They are meant to put you in a specific frame of mind so that you can approach and move through your challenges with thoughts and actions of love at the forefront. 

Here are links to each of the 10 scenarios so you can jump to and begin with the one that may be most applicable to you and begin to solve life problems.

• Life Problem 1: Feeling Stuck
• Life Problem 2: Relationship Challenges
• Life Problem 3: Chronic Illness
• Life Problem 4: Loss and Grief
• Life Problem 5: Negativity
• Life Problem 6: Financial Debt
• Life Problem 7: Expectations and Pressure
• Life Problem 8: Parenting Decisions
• Life Problem 9: Workplace Conflict
• Life Problem 10: Overwhelmed and Exhausted

Life Problem 1: Feeling Stuck

I’ve been in my current role at work for several years and can’t seem to make career advancements within my company. I feel stuck and not sure what to do next.

Respect

I honor myself and the vision that I have for my career.

I honor my leaders at work, knowing that they too have a vision for our team and department.

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I like my current role and the company I work for.

I have a vision for how I’d like my career to progress.

I don’t have a good understanding of how my leaders see my career progressing.

I would move to another company to advance my career.

There is one specific leader who doesn’t seem to recognize my skills.

My natural tendency is to try to be content with the job I have. Still, it feels disingenuous to ignore my aspirations.

Take Action on the Truths:

I write out a reasonable career trajectory noting both benefits to my company and me.

I share with my leaders to get input and advice on what steps to take to make it happen.

I put an action plan and timeline together for these steps. 

I schedule check-ins with my leaders to assess the progress.

Connection

Kindness

I give myself the love, support, and encouragement as I work towards my professional goals. I show Kindness to others within my company to balance my passion for people and my professional aspirations.

Life Problem 2: Relationship Challenges

I’m in a relationship with a guy that I hang out with all the time. Ryan and I go to dinner, watch movies, text every day, and are physically intimate. We have fun and have a lot in common. But, he doesn’t want to be “a couple.”

Respect

I honor myself and know I am enough, just as I am. 

Since I Respect Ryan in so many ways, I honor his perspective even though I don’t understand it or agree with it.

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be an “official” couple.

I really like spending time with Ryan.

I’m afraid that if I push too hard on this topic, he’ll distance himself.

I want to be authentic to myself and what I want in my life. 

I want to be intimate with someone who wants me to be their girlfriend. 

Take Action on the Truths:

I think through the steps I want to take next.

I have three actions that I want to take; all of them fall into the Connection principle. 

Connection

I share my truths with others, a trusted girlfriend, and my brother to get well-rounded input.

I adjust my truths based on the points each of them makes that resonate with me.

Then, I share all of my truths with Ryan so he can fully understand my perspective.

Kindness

I show myself Kindness by bravely approaching this topic. 

I take action so that I can be authentic to myself, the ultimate demonstration of self-Kindness.

Life Problem 3: Chronic Illness 

I have MS, a progressive, incurable disease that affects me in significant ways that aren’t always apparent to other people. How do I get through this and help those who love me better understand when I’m not feeling well?

Respect

I honor myself and know I am more than this disease. 

I honor others and know that they want to support me.

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I don’t want MS, but it’s my reality.

I’m afraid of the progressive nature of the disease.

My natural tendency is to be in denial, although I know that will not help.

The more I know about the disease, the better I can cope.

My family wants to help; they just don’t understand the disease.

MS is complex and affects people in different ways.  

Take Action on the Truths:

Utilize the resources at the MS Society website.

I talk to family members and tell them how the disease is affecting me and what I need.

I accept the help and support that others want to give.

Connection

I recognize that I need a support system. 

I join a local chapter of the MS Society or an online forum.  

I leverage the experiences and solutions of others who also have MS. 

I keep those closest to me updated on how the disease affects me because that is the only way they can support me.

Kindness

MS is not kind to me, so I need to be extra kind to myself.  

I generously give myself; body, mind, and soul, what it needs.

Life Problem 4: Loss and Grief 

My closest friend just moved away, and she is starting a new and exciting life without me. I feel so alone. 

Respect

I honor myself and my feelings, knowing that it’s okay to miss my friend.

I honor my friend and the dreams that she wants to achieve in her new location.

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I miss my friend. We used to have so much fun doing things, especially mountain biking. 

I’m afraid that she’ll forget me.

I’m afraid that I won’t find another friend to do similar activities with.

My natural tendency in situations like this is to shut down, although I know that will not help.

I know the reality is that I can make new friends, but I’m missing her so much that I don’t feel like being social.

Take Action on the Truths:

I talk with my friend and am honest about how I am feeling.

I reach out to my sister, and we plan a mountain biking trip together.

I research mountain biking clubs in my area.

I research mountain biking tours in a country I’ve always wanted to visit.

Connection

I connect with myself, knowing that situations like this have sent me into a downward spiral in the past. Being connected to myself during this difficult time is essential. 

I connect with my friend, being honest about my feelings. I wish her well, but I miss how much fun we had together. I suggest that I come to visit her when she gets settled. 

I start to research excellent mountain biking trails in her area. 

Although it’s difficult for me, I put myself out there. 

I join a mountain biking club to connect with others with similar interests.

I work on expanding my friend circle so that I can more easily adapt in the future. 

Kindness

I send her a care package with a few things for her new apartment. (After all, although I’m having a rough go of it, I still want my friend to be happy.)

I generously give myself what I need.

I give my friend what she needs and support her in her new life adventure. 

Life Problem 5: Negativity

My head is filled with negative narratives all day long. I know that this causes me to transfer that negativity to parts of my life that I value, like my relationships and career. 

Respect

I honor myself and my relationships that are impacted by my negativity. Even negative emotions need to be validated and understood. It’s not the emotions that are the problem, it’s how I allow the negativity to seep into my actions.

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I don’t really know why I have such a negative lens on life. 

I know that the negativity is hurting personal and professional relationships.

I am willing to put in the work to solve the problem.

I really don’t know the steps that I need to take. 

Take Action on the Truths:

I seek out resources to learn more about negativity and get ideas on how to overcome it.

I find a therapist to help me understand why I feel this way. 

I spend more time around the most positive people in my life.

I begin a daily gratitude journal to force myself to recognize just three things a day that I can be grateful for.

Connection

I seek professional guidance and reach out to a therapist. 

I share my goals with a few people that I trust so they can know that I am trying to resolve the problem and that I may be going through some emotional difficulties. 

Kindness

I recognize that this is a difficult journey. 

I generously give myself; body, mind, and soul, what it needs.

I also give myself grace when I “mess up” along the way. I remind myself that it is a process.

Life Problem 6: Financial Debt

I have credit card debt that I can’t seem to pay down, and it continues to get larger. 

Respect

I honor myself and that I am an evolving person that can learn from my mistakes.

I honor the financial decisions I have made in the past.

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I have spent more than I have earned.

 I feel good, even if it’s for just a short time, when I buy things.

When I buy things or activities similar to my friends, I feel more part of the group.

I know that with the interest rate I am paying, each item purchased ends up costing a lot more.

Emotionally, it feels almost like an addiction. Sometimes I really can’t resist the temptation to buy something.

Logically, I know that I need to stop spending and pay off my credit card debt.

Take Action on the Truths:

I seek out guidance from several financial experts to compare options to solve this problem.

I research ways to get out of debt. 

I set a “SMART” (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goal to use for focus. Example: “I will eliminate all of my credit card debt, $3,419.27, in six months.”

I put one or two strategies into place to begin to meet the goal. 

I research and seek resources at Spenders Anonymous.

I cancel current credit cards so that no more debt can be accumulated.

I add additional strategies after I master the first few.

Connection

I share the plan with a close friend or family member who can help me be accountable.

I spend more time with friends who I feel more comfortable with even when I don’t overspend.

Kindness

I gently support myself through this challenging transition to more responsible spending. 

I lovingly encourage myself.

When I overspend, I don’t beat myself up. I remind myself that it takes time to change and allow myself some mistakes. 

Life Problem 7: Expectations and Pressure 

My parents, both doctors, want me to follow in their footsteps and become a physician. I know that is not the career path I want to take. If I don’t go to MD school, they won’t pay for college.

Respect

I honor myself and know I am enough, just as I am. 

I honor my parents and their vision for me even though it is different than mine. 

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I have no interest in becoming a physician. 

I’m afraid that if I do, I will be caught in a career that makes me miserable. 

I understand why my parents have this dream for me. 

Social work, the profession that I’d like to pursue, requires a degree which I don’t have the money to fund

I know that my parents genuinely want the best for me. 

If my parents don’t pay for my college, I will accumulate a lot of loan debt earning my degree.

Take Action on the Truths:

I make a list of how becoming a social worker aligns with who I am and the life I’d like to lead.

I address my parents’ concerns so they know that I have taken their experience into consideration. 

I ask my parents to meet with me so we can talk.

Connection

I reach out to a few social workers to better understand the pros and cons of being a social worker. I adjust my truths where needed.

I listen intently to myself as I make the list of why the profession is meaningful to me. 

I meet with my parents to share my perspective.

Kindness

I mentally prepare myself and commit to go into the conversation with my parents with Respect and Kindness. I generously listen and do my best to not lash out if my parents are still not supportive. 

Life Problem 8: Parenting Decisions

My ten-year-old wants an iPhone. I decided that 12 years old would be an appropriate time to have a phone. But, now, I’m wavering because so many of her friends have smartphones.

Respect

I honor myself and know that I have good reasons for my decision. 

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I love my daughter and want to keep her safe.

I know the data on the unfortunate effects of access to a smartphone, especially at a young age.

My daughter wants an iPhone but doesn’t need one.

There is other technology that she can access to meet some of her needs and wants.

I am the parent, and my job is to do what I think is best for her, even if that is different from what my daughter or other parents believe.

Take Action on the Truths:

I do some more research to see if there are any new data that may change my point of view.

I ask my daughter for specific reasons why he wants a phone to be aware of his perspective. 

Connection

I talk to a few other parents to talk through my rationale and get their perspective. 

I talk to my daughter. I share the reasoning with her.

Kindness

When I talk with my daughter, I do so by also generously listening to his perspective.
I know that I can make her feel validated by listening and acknowledging her feelings. 

Life Problem 9: Workplace Conflict

A colleague threw me under the bus in a meeting by inferring that my recent maternity leave was disruptive to a project.

Respect

I honor myself and know I am enough, just as I am. 

I honor my family and where they fit into my value system.

I honor my colleague enough to address this situation. 

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

My family is important to me.

My career is important to me.  

I know I can successfully have both.

I took a reasonable amount of maternity leave that was supported by my boss.

Before I left for maternity leave, all details were shared with the point-person aligned to my projects.

Take Action on the Truths:

I connect with my colleague to share how his behavior made me feel and more clearly share his concerns.

Connection

Although it is difficult, I meet with my colleague so that this incident doesn’t have a long-term impact on our relationship and work productivity. 

Kindness

I give myself extra doses of self-Kindness and assurance that there is nothing wrong with growing my family and balancing it with a career. 

I approached the conversation with my colleague with Kindness, knowing that challenges were likely beneath the comment. I seek understanding and give her attention during the conversation as he shares his perspective. 

Life Problem 10: Overwhelmed and Exhausted

I am a working single mom of three. I am constantly on the go, and I am simply exhausted.

Respect

I honor myself and know I am enough and that I am doing the best that I can. 

I honor the difficulty of my situation.

Ownership (and the three A’s)

Intentionally become Aware and Accept the Truths of the Situation:

I work hard to make ends meet.

I love my kids.

Taking a break or relaxing is a luxury that I feel I can’t afford.

I am willing to sacrifice myself for my kids’ well-being but know that it is detrimental to my health.

I am always tired. As a result, I can get pretty crabby with my kids. 

I know I can’t go on like this, but I don’t feel like I have any options. 

Take Action on the Truths:

I take an evening and research “relaxation techniques for busy moms.”

I find a few options that feel doable.

I ask my neighbor if she is interested in taking one another’s kids once a week to each have a break. 

Connection

I ask a few other moms what they do to keep sane and healthy.

I share my challenge with my friend who has been in a similar situation. I ask for her support and some ideas that helped her when she was feeling overwhelmed. 

Kindness

I show myself Kindness and give myself 10-20 minutes a day of permission to enjoy something small like a foot bath, a podcast episode, or quiet time with my cat. This helps me avoid resentfulness and shows my kids how they can give themselves Kindness too.

I hope these examples help you better understand and know how to apply the ROCK principles to your everyday, real-life problems to find real-life solutions.

Let’s talk more about using Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness to find answers. Leave questions or thoughts in the comments below, and together*, we’ll ROCK thru to solve life problems! XO ~ Lee

*Please keep in mind that I’m not a professional therapist. This article is about using the four principles to solve problems, but if you need support unpacking emotions and getting suggestions for your specific issue, I highly recommend that you connect with a therapist. Here’s a great article that gives 9 Tips for Finding the Right Therapist.