We’ve all been challenged with self-confidence blips during different points in our lives. Occasional pangs of anxiety that impact us as we pass by a mirror, enter a party, or lead a project at work are expected from time to time. However, a 2021 study revealed that, unfortunately, low self-confidence is a prevalent feeling, with some of these key findings:
- 85% of women do not believe they are attractive
- Only half of men believe they are intelligent
- More than half of young people often worry about what other people think of them
At times in my life, I certainly contributed to these statistical topics. There were many times that I doubted and obsessed about how I looked, my intelligence, and if I was accepted. But today, bald from recent chemotherapy during HSCT (Hematopoietic Stem Cell Transplantation) treatment, I’m feeling surprisingly confident about my appearance. I’ll unfold more about my treatment journey in another post. But with these harsh data points weighing heavy on me, I feel more compelled to share how I battle moments of low confidence. Initially, I did feel uneasy about how I looked without hair. I was concerned about how to get back into my daily routine and what people would think. But, I also wanted to answer this deeper question, “Can bald be beautiful?” To do this, I did what I always do in difficult situations. I turned to the four R.O.C.K. thru principles, Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness to guide me to unwavering confidence. Here’s how these principles gave me the courage from within to live life while being bald and how they can help you too.
Leverage these four ROCK thru principles to be more confident
- Have Respect for yourself
- Take Ownership of the truths of the situation
- Make meaningful Connections to yourself and others
- Give accepting Kindness to yourself
Have Respect for yourself to be more confident
In the context of ROCKing thru life, I define Respect as “admirable regard earned by a positive Connection.” To be more confident, the most critical Connection is with yourself. Self-love and Respect are where it begins, always. It’s the inner foundation that everything else is built upon. (For more on Respect, check out this article.) You can think of self Respect as the foundation for a building. If it’s not sturdy and robust, anything you try to build on top of it will be off-kilter. Most times, it’s external opinions (or speculation of others’ opinions) that shift your foundation. I’m reminded of a quote that brings this point home: “What others think of you is none of your business.” Imagine for a moment what your life would be like if your self Respect was so strong that other people’s opinions were irrelevant to you. Sounds pretty freeing to me.
As usual, the ROCK principles are intertwined, and it was not any different as I grappled with my baldness. As you read on, you’ll see how the other three principles (Ownership, Connection, and Kindness) come together to yield strong self Respect. Which in turn fuels so many positive attributes, including self-confidence and courage to be oneself.
In this situation, I began with a self Respect affirming statement about my unconditional value. These types of statements are true whether or not I have hair. They are also valid, whether or not I make a mistake at work, miss someone’s birthday, or get into a fender bender. An affirming statement immediately puts me in the right frame of mind to sort things out, regardless of the issue at hand. When I first started to ROCK through life, it took me a while to say these types of statements, let alone believe them. So, as you begin, even if you don’t think any of these to be true today, choose one or make your own that embodies what you want to believe about your self-worth one day. Here are some examples:
- I belong just as I am
- I love all of myself, unconditionally
- I don’t need to be perfect; I need to be me
- I’m perfect in all of my imperfections
- I am at peace with who I am
- I continue to become my best self
For more statements that support your absolute value and your journey to be more confident, you can download a free list of 40 affirmation statements here:
Once you’re in the self Respect mind space, you can move to Ownership to ROCK thru the journey to be more confident.
Take Ownership of the truths to be more confident
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right” is a Henry Ford quote that is dear to my heart and the Ownership principle. As emotional beings, fear of failure and judgment often drive our decisions. Therefore, a logical assessment of truths is often needed to override our subconscious fears. In this step, jot down all of the facts of the situation that you can think of, both positive and negative. This isn’t an exercise in bolstering yourself up with all of the good truths and ignoring the bad ones. Instead, it’s a practice to assess reality. Reality is often what your brain needs as you work on how to be more confident. Here is my list of truths as I work through stepping out into the world without hair:
- Hair is an important aspect of our culture. The global haircare market value in 2019 was a whopping 90.2 billion dollars.
- People often look upon those without hair who identify as females with pity.
- My hair doesn’t define me as a person.
- I am more than my hair…much more.
- Even the best-reviewed head coverings can be uncomfortable, itchy, and a little tight. It’s not worth wearing them unless they are protecting me from the sun or cold.
- I would rather not wear a head covering but need the courage to do so.
- The people who know and love me don’t care about my hair.
- The attitude that I project will be the attitude that is reflected back to me. If I’m uncomfortable with my baldness, others will be too. If I’m OK with it, most others will be too.
- If others are uncomfortable, it’s really not my issue; it’s theirs.
- I have no hair because I took responsibility for my own health and went through treatment to be free of M.S. (Multiple Sclerosis.) I’d rather be temporarily bald than permanently disabled.
- Getting ready for the day is much easier and faster. I’ve been given the gift of more time in the day and less fussing with my hair.
After making a list, written or mental, I take Ownership of what I know to be accurate, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes the list includes some truths that can have negative ramifications. But most of the time, like my truths list above, the “negative” truths are more about fear of judgment. The truths list almost becomes a list of pros/cons, and it often becomes evident that if you can get over the fears, there is so much more to gain. These truths gave me the inner ammunition I needed for the strength and courage to carry on with life while also being bald.
According to the acronym, Connection is the next aspect to ROCK thru life and be more confident. However, it’s critical to note that this isn’t a linear process. It is expected to bounce around between the ROCK pillars (Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness.) What’s most important is that you touch on them all.
Make meaningful Connections to yourself and others to be more confident
As human beings, we are made for Connection. To effectively be more confident, your attitude should not invoke cockiness or “I’m better than others” vibes. That attitude is off-putting and unproductive. True confidence manifests into the courage to do difficult things, put yourself out there, go into the unknown, and make hard decisions. Conversely, true confidence has nothing to do with being better than or belittling others, nor competition or comparison. There’s no space for comparison in confidence.
To be more confident, the most essential Connection is to yourself by noting and taking Ownership of the truths of the situation, as outlined above.
You are probably noticing the commonality of how to be more confident. There is a lot of leaning into these four principles as they relate to yourself. However, another way to leverage Connection to be more confident is to be inspired by another person who has already paved the path that you’d like to take. In my case, soon after the “shave rave” with two other women in treatment, I was reminded of the courage of a friend. Michele beat breast cancer twice and had this beautiful portrait taken. Eighteen years later, I reached out to her to learn more about her journey and strength during her baldness. She told me that she had the picture taken, “So I could always look back and see how far I’ve come.” Her words of support helped me see long-term value in honoring my treatment journey, including my baldness.
Kindness, the next and last pillar in the ROCK acronym, is an unsuspecting but critical key to be more confident.
Give accepting Kindness to yourself to be more confident
I have learned to never underestimate the power of Kindness. The force is real and mighty. As always, Kindness to yourself is where it begins. This way, you aren’t seeking external validation without first knowing and believing it for yourself. In my case, I started to use affirmations (see above) and the truths list (see above) to put Kindness into action. With Respect and Ownership as a foundation, I was able to give myself genuine Kindness from within. Each time I see my bald reflection, I am now able to be loving and gentle with myself. I give myself the gift of knowing that, with or without hair, I’m a good person and do my best to make positive contributions.
Genuine self Kindness has been cemented and validated by people loving and supporting me. When I first stepped out with no hair, these words of encouragement helped bolster my confidence more than I could have imagined. Each social media heart emoji and message spoke volumes of empowering support, saying, “I see you for who you really are regardless of what you look like.”
And then, amazing Kindness was shown by Karl, my photographer friend, who reached out and took the time to help me embrace who I am in this moment, exactly where I’m at. Celebrating my baldness through the photo in this article was healing and empowering in ways that I could never have imagined. I am grateful to Karl for knowing the value of telling this story through photography, encouraging me to do it, and generously giving his talent to make it happen.
For more details on self-love and Kindness, see this article devoted to the topic.
The answer is a resounding “Yes!”
Back to the original question, “Can bald really be beautiful?” The answer, yes, it can, if I believe it to be so. It has nothing to do with external beauty, but instead the confidence and courage to step out into the world and say, “This is me, hair or no hair, take it or leave it.” Beauty comes from living your whole truth. My truth, like most truths, is straightforward: I just kicked M.S.’s ass, and I’m bald for a little while. I remind myself of my truth each time I’m on a video conference call or go out in public. This allows me to move forward with confidence and leave my fears in the dust behind me.