We all have hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, too many of us ignore that little spark of passion or squash it down before it even has the slightest chance. Read on to be inspired by a couple who ROCKed thru to achieve their dreams. But before we get into their story, let’s consider your dreams. Read these words from Papaji, an Indian sage who spent his life teaching the art of self-inquiry.
“If you are acting like a sheep,
do not blame the shepherd.
You cannot herd lions.
Wake up and roar and you are free.”
~ Papaji
I have long adored these words. I’m a big skim-reader, so If you are too, I ask you to reread the quote. Give it time to sink in and think about how it relates to the way you live. Are you a sheep, going along with the expectations of life and shelving your dreams? Or an untamed lion, achieving your dreams?
We are born courageous lions
How do we become sheep that abandon our dreams and follow a cultural norm?
In the beginning, we are practically fearless
Studies show that we are born with only two fears that are actually more like cautious instincts. One is the fear of falling, demonstrated in a Cornell study in the early 1960s. The other, the fear of loud noises, has been researched and also apparent by our startle response when an unexpected bang or boom surprises us. These instinctual fears have helped keep humans alive from real, physical dangers for ages.
Fear is learned
Although just two fears are hard-wired into us, most of us have added several more over our lifetime. We accumulate these additional fears based on our experiences. If we truly become aware of what drives our actions, we’ll find that either fear or love is the underlying motive for most of our behavior. Take workaholic behavior for example. When we invest the time and energy to understand what drives this action, it can usually be attributed to one of two reasons. If love is the main cause for extra hours at the office there is deep bliss in the challenge, satisfaction, and the output. However, if fear is the driver, the rationale could be to avoid rejection by co-workers or being passed up for the next promotion.
Fear can be unlearned
Going along with life’s status quo is easy and comfortable as we are shepherded along by societal expectations. Brené Brown, an American professor, lecturer, and author has made it her life’s work to uncover and inspire others to overcome some of our deepest fears rooted in vulnerability and shame. She gets right to the heart of what it takes to overcome fear when she says, “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You can not have both.”
3 fears that turn us into sheep
How do we recognize and bring awareness to the main fears that make us join the herd?
Fear of not enough
We live in a “never enough” culture; not enough clothes, food, money, rooms in our house, or likes on social media. I have a lot of self-reflective questions around this one. When is it enough? When do we stop keeping up with the Joneses, and who are the Joneses anyway? Although they look like they have a shiny, buttoned-up life, I venture to guess that the Joneses also have credit card debt, little retirement savings, and are burnt out from excessive working. I also wonder if having a picture-perfect life is the extent of their dreams when there is so much more depth in life that can be enjoyed.
Fear of failure
One of the most paralyzing fears is defeat. No matter how you define it, we’ve all been there. Think back to a time when you had a great idea, and before you got the chance to objectively explore its feasibility, it was shelved by fear of failure. Do these thoughts sound familiar?
I’m not good enough.
Who do I think I am? I can’t pull this off.
What if I can’t do it?
If I put myself out there and fail, I’ll look like an idiot.
Fear of rejection
Connection is the C in the ROCK acronym and a crucial part of a fulfilled human life. It’s in our DNA to enjoy and rely on others. This deep need for Connection is also the most significant reason we don’t follow our dreams. We feel real anguish when we would do something that alienates us from our social group. But we need to find a balance because we also don’t want to abandon ourselves. As we become more aware of our desired path, we must find a way to take it regardless of what others may say, think, or do.
Dreams are as unique as we are
What if you don’t even know what your dreams are?
Before we go any further, it’s important to be clear on what I mean by “dreams.” In the context of this article, dreams are anything that you want to achieve. Absolutely anything. There are no parameters defining what can be a dream. If you want to achieve it, it’s a dream. To give you an idea of the vast range of the types of dreams that you can achieve when you apply the ROCK principles, here is just a handful from an infinite list.
Make time for self-care
Volunteer at a homeless shelter
Spend more time with loved ones
Read more novels
Learn a language
Train your dog in agility
Earn a degree
Start a business
Teach or take cooking classes
Change careers
Move to a tiny home
Sail around the world
How one couple ROCKed thru to achieve their dreams
With such strong and real emotional fears, how do we regain our lion courage?
Krista and Roy Renning were neighbors in Flagstaff, Arizona, who made a drastic life change. It seemed like they were able to channel their inner Papaji to “wake up, roar, and be free” from a life of the prescribed social script. I wanted to know more, so I met with them to learn more about how they achieved their dreams and if and how the ROCK thru principles, Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness, played a part. As you read their story, remember, this is the Rennings’ dream. There is no dream judgement here. Yours will look completely different, but the ROCK principles still apply.
Their dreams
For years Krista and Roy had dreams of traveling the U.S. in their RV. They envisioned time away from the daily grind to be rejuvenated by new places and experiences. They each had passions that they wanted to explore. Krista had a new book concept in mind, and Roy wanted to dive deeper into the world of beer microbrewery. These dreams were repeatedly at the top of their New Year’s bucket list year after year. Krista and Roy just didn’t feel like they could take the time away from their careers and the busyness of three active kids.
Part of their dream plan was to be work camp hosts. This is a gig called “workamping,” where RVers live on-site at little to no cost in exchange for assisting the campground and guests in various ways. There is a large range of tasks depending on what needs to be done. Duties can include checking guests in, facilitating activities, food preparation and counter service, and even maintenance if you have that type of skill set. It’s an interesting and cost-effective way to experience new places.
Krista and Roy found the courage and the consciousness to break through the noise of social expectations. They devised a strategy, sold their home and business, chose Tennessee as their base, and began their RV traveling adventures.
Your dreams
Before we continue and unfold the details of how Krista and Roy leveraged the ROCK thru principles to live their “free,” think about your dreams. What dreams may be stuffed deep down inside of you? What does your “free” look like?
There is no dream too big or too small, or right or wrong. There is only the joy that your soul is waiting to wake up, roar, and be free. So if you have a dream or two in mind, read on and see how you can apply the ROCK principles to find your “free.”
Ownership
Ownership is where dreams begin
Ownership is the ROCK thru pillar that is most essential to achieving your dreams. The beginning of the Papaji quote captures the essence of Ownership perfectly, “If you are acting like a sheep, do not blame the shepherd.” This principle is all about becoming aware, accepting, and taking action without blaming anyone else.
Ownership of awareness
The initial part of Ownership is the aspect of awareness. Without first being consciously in tune with a situation’s truths, there is no ability to accept it and take action. Roy explained the realization of their truth like this, “Remember back to when you started into the workforce. Your career probably started at around age 20, and you plan to work until you’re around 65. That’s 45 years of work. Now consider that the average life expectancy in the U.S. is 76. If you do the math, most people will work for 45 years to have only 11 years to enjoy. This equation just didn’t add up for us.”
Ownership of acceptance and action
Once they became aware of the truth, that there was a real possibility of only eleven years of retirement, Krista and Roy continued on with the next two aspects of Ownership: acceptance and action. As they became more conscious, situations would pop-up and solidify this truth. Like acquaintances who unexpectedly passed away too early or others that would retire without the means to achieve their dreams. Of course, these types of situations were already happening, but once they became aware of the truth, they began to notice them more. Paying more attention to these occurrences is what got them to a solid place of acceptance. Krista shared, “Even though we were making good money, that came at a price. And it was a price that we were no longer willing to pay.”
After they accepted the truth of the treadmill-life trajectory that they were on, they began to take action. Krista and Roy still had responsibilities, including a daughter in her last year of high school. An important part of their story is that they didn’t just drop everything, throw caution to the wind, and drive off into the sunset in their RV. They began to make the necessary plans to be intentional about the dreams that they envisioned. They created a systematic list of mini- goals that had to be met before they could achieve their bigger dreams. When each smaller goal was completed, they were one step closer to their dreams.
To give your dreams flight, take Ownership of the truths that put feathers on their wings.
Ownership of their decision
Even after Roy and Krista started to live out their dreams, they continued to utilize the Ownership principle to tweak and improve their dreams. They quickly learned that there were aspects of workamping that they were unaware of. But even through these unexpected challenges they kept their commitments. Roy shared, “We were a little naïve to the workamp life. But we saw our commitments through and now know what we are looking for in the next workamp assignments. Those challenging experiences will help us find the right fit next time.”
Respect
Respect for yourself and your dreams
Overcoming your emotional fears starts with self-respect. It’s vital to have a positive Connection to yourself with a deep and real self-admiration, just as you are. This includes knowing and genuinely believing that you are enough at this moment in time, even if you have aspirations of improvement. You are a work in progress, an ever-evolving, growing being.
Preparing for a drastic lifestyle change wasn’t easy and didn’t happen overnight, but Krista and Roy were diligent. Part of what kept them focused on their goal was their Respect for the dream itself. They had enough admirable regard for the life they envisioned that they were willing to face and overcome any fears that could have derailed their plans.
Overcoming fear of scarcity
Roy explains how their faith played a part in overcoming scarcity, “God will provide. The lifestyle we chose doesn’t require much, and we planned for it. We didn’t buy into what some think retirement should be with expensive things or activities. We want to live a fairly simple life, and we saved up plenty to do that.”
Most times, the ROCK thru principles often overlap, and that is certainly the case here. Overcoming the fear of “not enough” often begins with Ownership of the truths. Feelings of scarcity are usually unjustified and blown way out of proportion. The truth is that we often have more than we really need to live comfortably.
Overcoming fear of failure
Krista and Roy had their fair share of setbacks and learning throughout their marriage and careers. But it was their perspective on these hiccups that allowed them to bypass a fear of failure to go after their dreams. Krista shared, “We never saw our life challenges as failures but as learnings.” As shared above in the Ownership section, even when initial workamping jobs served up unexpected difficulties, they didn’t see them as failures but as learnings to apply as they continued to live their dreams.
In the book, Designing your Life, the realization of the benefits of setbacks is called “failure immunity.” The authors explain that having this characteristic doesn’t mean being protected from the personal loss and pain that comes with failure but from being misinformed by failure. You have failure immunity when you are not deceived into believing that you are a failure when things don’t work out. It’s really about perspective. If you can view glitches in your plan as learning opportunities rather than losses, the fear dissipates because learning isn’t anything to be afraid of.
Leverage Respect for your dreams to overcome fears
Connection
Overcoming fear of rejection
When Krista and Roy began to share with their family that they were going to sell their home and a twenty-year-old business for a life of adventure traveling the U.S. in their RV, most were not encouraging. Krista explained, “Most people just didn’t understand, so they weren’t supportive. I don’t blame them. It’s just not normal to leave successful careers and a beautiful home for a life of uncertainty and adventure. But Roy and I knew we had to follow our dreams no matter what others thought.” Roy and Krista’s Connection to each other gave them the strength to move forward even though others didn’t understand their dreams.
Gather other lions
Connection is vital to humans and our emotional state, and it’s even more critical when your dreams are on the line. Gather a support system of those who “get” you and your dreams. Even if there are only one or two other people in this world who also embrace your dreams, that’s often all you need to feel validated. Ask for logical and emotional advice and guidance. Be as real and vulnerable as you can be so that you have others to help you overcome your fears and help chart your course.
For those you don’t entirely trust with your dreams, they haven’t earned a place in this part of your life. Not everyone has the capacity, experience, and skill set to encourage you in this way. They aren’t bad people. They just aren’t ready for you and where you want to go.
Make Connections with those who will support your dreams
Kindness
Kindness to others
In the planning and leap of faith part of living their dream, Kindness didn’t come into play for Krista and Roy. However, Kindness was an essential part as they began to adjust to their new life. Krista: “We lived in a small RV, so we learned to show Kindness by being more intentionally considerate of each other’s need for mental and physical space. It was quite an adjustment going from a 4,000 to 250 square-foot living area. It was transformational for us as individuals and as a couple.”
Roy also discovered Kindness as an unexpected benefit of living their dreams outside of the rat race. He explained, “I’m learning more about Kindness now that I have time to focus on it. I have the mind space to think more about people and their feelings versus all that I need to do during the day.”
Kindness to yourself
When you explore how to live a new twist on life, it’s also important to show Kindness to yourself as you plan for and set out to achieve your dream. You can’t anticipate every hiccup that you will encounter. So when you experience difficulties, and you will, be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that it is expected to come upon both setbacks and fears along your journey.
Nurture your dreams with generous Kindness of time, energy, and thought
Was it all worth it?
Their journey was not comfortable or without risks and challenges. So, I had one final question for them. I wanted to know, was it worth all of the effort, time, and diligence?
Krista’s answer, “Our marriage is better than ever because we have the time to really be with each other…to really see each other and connect on a deeper level. When we were in the daily grind, we were “together” but on parallel paths. Now, we are together, on the same path.”
Roy summarized it this way, “I know at the end of my life, no matter how much money I have, I can’t buy more time, time with people I love. When we got off the society-pleasing path, we both had more time for what makes us truly happy.”
Special thanks to Roy and Krista for sharing their experience to inspire others to ROCK thru to achieve their own dreams.
Dreams can take a million forms. So, no matter what yours looks like, no matter how big or small, let your inner lion roar. Wake up to your truth. Overcome your fears. Roar with Courage. Live your free.
ROCK thru to achieve your dreams! XO ~ Lee
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