ROCK thru when you feel envious of friends
by Lee Havenga | December 7, 2023
Envy is a tricky emotion that can sneak up on us when we least expect it. We’ve all been there – scrolling through social media, seeing a friend’s post, and feeling that twinge of desire to have what they have. But here’s the truth from psychologist Josh Gressel, “Envy is not a sign that something is wrong with you; it’s a sign that something right within you is waiting to be claimed.”
Imagine this scenario: you’re struggling to pay the bills, and your friend proudly shares a photo of their brand-new car. The envy mindset kicks in, and you begin feeling an odd mix of coveting and, at the same time, criticizing their financial choices. But with a few tools, you can ROCK thru to transform envy from a destructive force into a catalyst for personal growth and success.
“To be seeking the envy of another is to be trapped in the same cycle that fuels any addiction: reaching for something outside yourself for something that ultimately needs to come from within.”
~ Josh Gressel, Psychologist
RESPECT
Apply it
1. Affirm your Intrinsic Value
Envy thrives on comparisons, but your worth isn’t defined by others. Acknowledge your unique journey, reinforcing a resilient self-Respect. This self-check fosters a positive mindset, helping you navigate envy with grace and strengthen your sense of worth.
2. Acknowledge your Friend’s Value
When envy strikes, take a moment to recognize and genuinely acknowledge your friend’s achievements. Remember, our value as human beings doesn’t increase with success or decrease with failures. Recognizing their success doesn’t diminish your worth but fosters a positive mindset.
OWNERSHIP
Apply it
3. Identify the Root Cause
Dig deep to understand what aspect of your friend’s success triggers envy. Is it their financial stability, lifestyle choices, or status through possessions? Identifying the root cause provides clarity on your aspirations and growth areas.
4. Reframe the Emotion
When feeling the weight of someone else’s success, practice Ownership by reframing. For example, this maladaptive assumption,
“Their success shows that I am falling behind.”
can be transformed into a powerful, positive perspective,
“Life isn’t a race with people falling behind. My unique path, interests, and values define my success.”
Embracing this reframing technique empowers you to take Ownership of your narrative, shifting focus from comparison to personal growth. This proactive mindset fosters a balanced perspective, allowing you to navigate envy with a sense of control and purpose.
5. Set Personal Goals
Transform envy into motivation. Use your friend’s success as inspiration to set achievable personal goals. Taking Ownership of your aspirations turns envy into a driving force for positive change.
CONNECTION
Apply it
6. Celebrate Together
Instead of letting envy drive a wedge, join in the celebration. By actively participating in your friend’s joy, you strengthen your Connection and open the door to reciprocal support.
7. Communicate Your Feelings
Foster open communication with your friend. Admitting your envy, when done with Kindness, can deepen your Connection. It allows for honest conversations and a shared understanding of each other’s journeys.
KINDNESS
Apply it
8. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself when envy surfaces. Understand that it’s a natural emotion, not a flaw—practice self-compassion by acknowledging your feelings without judgment.
9. Support Each Other
Cultivate a culture of Kindness by actively supporting each other’s growth. Instead of competing, become cheerleaders for success. This mindset shift transforms envy into a positive force within your relationships.
Envy is a universal emotion, and acknowledging it is the first step towards growth. Remember the wisdom of Josh Gressel, who emphasizes that envy isn’t an indication of failure but a reminder of a spark within you yet to be embraced. ROCK thru and navigate envy with grace and turn it into a catalyst for personal growth. XO ~ Lee
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