ROCK thru when a friendship becomes toxic
by Lee Havenga | November 9, 2023
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a friendship that consistently feels more like a toxic swamp than a refreshing pool of camaraderie? Let me paint a picture with a few scenarios that might hit close to home. Imagine a friend who constantly criticizes your choices, who only seems to reach out when they need something, whose negativity leaves you emotionally drained after every conversation, or who consistently undermines your achievements. In these situations, the friendship seems like a continuous one-sided struggle with more downs than ups. If you’ve experienced any of these, you’re not alone.
Sometimes letting go is not a failure, but a triumph of self-awareness and compassion.
RESPECT
Have you ever felt bombarded by constant criticism or drama from a friend? Despite the negativity, make a conscious effort to focus on the positive qualities of your friend. As Psychology Today points out in “How to Identify and Inoculate a Toxic Friendship,” toxic friends may make confusing and hurtful comments. However, by acknowledging the positive aspects that initially drew you to the friendship, you can combat negativity and provide you perspective to take Ownership.
Apply it
When facing challenges with a friend, it’s crucial to combat negativity by consistently reminding yourself of their inherent value while simultaneously recognizing the importance of respecting yourself. Acknowledge their sense of humor, past support, or genuine care for your well-being. Applying Respect in a toxic friendship isn’t about accepting poor behavior in a one-sided relationship. Instead, it’s a powerful tool for calming your emotions and setting your mindset for a balanced and solution-based environment. Actively practicing Respect not only counterbalances the effects of toxicity but also fosters a healthier dynamic. As the Psychology Today article emphasizes, recognizing the signs is the first step in neutralizing a toxic friendship. Your heightened awareness empowers you to navigate complexities and make informed decisions for the well-being of both yourself and the relationship.
OWNERSHIP
Navigating through toxicity requires the three A’s of Ownership: Awareness, Assessment, and Action. Become aware of the dynamics, recognizing constant negativity or unhealthy patterns. Assess how interactions impact your well-being and the balance in your exchanges. The crucial step is taking action—a candid conversation about feelings and potential solutions.
Apply it
In your friendships, apply the three A’s. Be Aware of the dynamics, consciously Accept how interactions impact your well-being, and take Action accordingly. Separating emotions from facts helps in making a fair assessment. Seek input from a neutral third party to ensure an unbiased perspective. Your Ownership of the situation empowers you to make informed decisions for the betterment of the relationship.
CONNECTION
With certain friendships, the relationship can become more draining than fulfilling. Recognizing that friendships should be positive and reciprocal, choose to let go and create space for Connections that bring joy and rejuvenation.
Apply it
Assess your friendships based on the positive, reciprocal bond they provide. If a relationship isn’t meeting your needs or bringing positivity into your life, consider letting it go. Create room for Connections that contribute to your well-being and happiness. It’s okay to prioritize relationships that align with your values and bring mutual benefits.
KINDNESS
Even in the process of letting go, Kindness plays a crucial role. Instead of disappearing without explanation, opt for an honest conversation. It’s an act of Kindness to both parties, providing closure and understanding.
Apply it
In your relationships, practice Kindness by being honest and open. If a friendship no longer serves both parties, have a conversation to explain your feelings and reasons for creating distance. It may be challenging, but Kindness lies in transparency, ensuring both parties understand the situation and can move forward with clarity.
So, dear friend, as you navigate the seas of friendship, remember to ROCK thru with Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness. Nurture relationships that bring sunshine into your life and let go of those storm clouds using these guiding principles.
Respect involves acknowledging the inherent value of yourself and others, even in challenging situations. Ownership calls for being aware of dynamics, assessing their impact, and taking action to improve the relationship. Connection reminds us that friendships should be positive and reciprocal, providing joy and rejuvenation. Finally, Kindness plays a crucial role, urging you to be honest and open, ensuring both parties understand the situation and can move forward with clarity.
Apply the four ROCK thru principles to your friendships, assessing their positive and negative aspects, and make decisions that align with your well-being and happiness. Remember, you’ve got the tools to navigate through challenges to make space to create a circle of connections that uplift and inspire. You’ve got this!
ROCK thru! ~ XO, Lee
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