I met Darold Leneberg in an ordinary way. At the time, I had no idea he was a recovering addict and that he would make such a profound impact on my life.
During a recent kitchen remodel, our contractor needed some guidance from the cabinet manufacturer to install pull-out drawers. Darold, the installation manager, wanted to better visualize the problem, so we connected via Facebook to use the Messenger Video Chat function. Darold solved the issue and was helpful and pleasant to work with.
Social transparency
Since we were still connected on social media, Darold’s posts would appear in my feed. Trips with his fiancée, home improvement projects, fun with his two sons; typical stuff until this post appeared:
For a few moments, judgment took over my mind. “He was in prison? But he was so personable when he helped us with the kitchen project. His previous posts seemed so normal. I thought he was a good guy, I wonder what he did.” And then, thankfully, my heart found its way to feelings of Respect. I admired Darold for overcoming so much and having the courage to be so publicly transparent about his dark past.
Over the next few months, I paid closer attention to Darold’s posts. Every now and then, in between the memes and snippets of everyday moments, he would mention how he triumphed over addiction. At this point in my life, I had been focused for over three years on learning about Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness. After my own struggles, these four concepts became apparent and crucial to me. I became mildly obsessed with deepening my understanding and application of each one. It seemed like Darold might be living a life rooted in at least some of the principles. I wanted to explore other peoples’ experiences with R.O.C.K. Inspired by his genuineness and intrigued to know how, if at all, he applied R.O.C.K. in his recovery, I reached out to him.This was when Darold shared his experience, and my perspective changed forever.
He encounters the beast
“Its teeth sunk deep into my back, nails dug into my chest, and a long barbed tail wrapped around my neck. I was consumed by the monster of addiction that would not let me go. It controlled me.”
This is how Darold described the force that was his master throughout his hellacious 18-year addiction to alcohol and drugs.
Rewinding to when it all began, the beast quietly tapped him on the shoulder at 15 years old with the allure of marijuana. About a year later, he felt a switch go off, another tap on the shoulder; he needed more. From there, it was a systematic trajectory of new, different, and better highs that sent his life down in a long and vicious spiral. As he ascended in age, he descended in the intensity of drug need and use. Age 16, alcohol; 18, cocaine; 22, crystal meth; 27, oxycodone pills; 29, heroine. He wanted it all, all of the time.
In its grasp
To feed this addiction, he robbed homes and stole from businesses, which racked up a list of misdemeanor and felony charges. It was an endless cycle of loss, job after job, girlfriend after girlfriend, in and out of jail, on the run with warrants for his arrest. At first, the highs were worth it as they somehow made him become more himself, at home in his own mind and body. As the substance use grew, so did his desire to get unchained from the insidious creature. But now he was in too deep. He prayed daily to be released.
Too long between highs, he began to feel the anguish of withdrawal. To relieve the body aches, shakes, hot and cold sweats, vomiting, and diarrhea, he went to a friend, desperate for a fix. He shot up for the first time, using a dirty needle. Now, this 27-year-old father of an infant son had Hepatitis-C, a liver disease that would kill him if the drugs didn’t first.
At age twenty-nine, a second son was born. So consumed by drugs and alcohol, he could not feed the beast enough. The cycle continued. Robbery. Jail. Probation. Each time he used, the highs were higher but the lows were lower.
The struggle to escape
When Darold was thirty, he should have been in the prime of his life, but instead, he awoke in an ambulance after a heroin overdose. With so much in his system, his body failed again, dying twice in one night. By a miracle, he survived, and the next day he was sent to jail and ordered to a two-week detox and a one month rehab. He was sober, and he intended to stay that way. The day he was released, he got high. Relapse one. His girlfriend left with the kids.
High and desperate every day, he was not getting the help he needed through the court and probation system. He was determined to get clean again. Still trying to lay low with warrants for his arrest, he was praying that God would keep him from the police. He checked himself into a five-day detox and then to the Salvation Army, a non-fee drug and alcohol rehabilitation center. Here Darold was first introduced to the Alcohol Anonymous program that had twelve systematic steps towards recovery. He went through the motions of each step. At the end of the six-month program, it had been the longest stretch of sobriety since he was a fifteen-year-old boy.
Committed to their recovery, Darold and a friend from the rehab program got an apartment +together and jobs. Until one Friday night began with the words, “Let’s just have one drink.” The monster had returned with vengeance, hissing, “I’ve missed you.” in his ear. By Monday, they were shooting up heroin and methamphetamines again. Relapse two. He was left without a job or a place to live.
Broken
Homeless, eating out of dumpsters, and still hiding from the police, he had been awake for a week and a half on meth. With a little heroin in his pocket, he went into a Burger King bathroom. So paranoid that someone would walk in while mixing his syringe of relief at the sink, he went into the stall. He used the water from the shit-splattered, piss-stained toilet and a needle found in an alleyway to shoot up. No one wanted Darold’s addiction in their life. He had no family. No friends. Utterly broken and sobbing, he slid to his knees and began to pray. He pleaded for this nightmare to end. He begged for the courage to turn himself in. With nowhere to go, he left and began to roam.
Teeth and talons release
Within five minutes, his prayer was answered. A cop came over to him and began to talk. He felt relieved to be snatched off the streets. Extradited and sentenced to prison for 3 years, he was at an all-time low. 6’ 2” and 118 pounds, he was strung out and anxious to get a hold of drugs in the prison yard. He had heard that they were easy to get. The creature was ready to pounce.
Darold entered the prison warehouse building he was assigned to, just one building of a large facility for over 1,200 inmates. Darold sat on his bed, when from the bunk across the room, Scott, a fellow inmate, greeted Darold, shook his hand, and offered him food. Then Scott offered him much more than something to fill his empty stomach. He extended the most precious thing possible at that very moment. Pointing at a picture of his kids that hung on the cold, cement wall, he gave Darold hope. It was right at that second Darold’s years of praying paid off. God reached His hand into his soul and did for him what he couldn’t do for himself. At that moment, God released him from his addiction. The beast’s teeth and talons were removed.
He now had the strength to use his time in prison as an opportunity for a full recovery. He used each of the four principles to R.O.C.K. thru his addiction. Here’s how Darold defines and has applied each to reclaim his life.
Respect
Defined: Respect is taking other peoples’ feelings, values, and the way they think life should be lived into consideration alongside your own point of view. Even when you disagree with what other people think or do, it doesn’t mean that they are wrong. It means that they are doing the best that they know how.
Applied: “In my addiction, I had no respect for anyone. I was feeding my hungry and lonely soul by taking from people in every way I could. Not caring about anyone’s feelings or values, I was trying to see how I could benefit from others.”
Today, to keep Respect at the forefront of his mind and actions, throughout each day, he asks God for His guidance and wisdom:
“God, here I am. I’m all Yours today. Please, Lord, guide my footsteps and guide my thoughts. Help me to be kind, compassionate, and caring to others. I am completely Yours. I can not do this alone.”
From his experience, consistently and humbly giving the desire of his heart to God is the only way that he can keep from reverting back to human-nature ways. When Darold asks, God provides.
Ownership
Defined: Ownership is being mindful and accountable for your actions. Being true to yourself, acting the same when you are alone and no matter who you are with.
Applied: Darold was reintroduced to the Alcohol Anonymous (AA) Twelve Step Recovery Program in prison. This time, he wholeheartedly worked each one of the program’s steps, taking a month for each step. This helped him get to the core of his addiction. As he describes it, “The character defect of lack of Ownership of my thoughts and actions was a big cause of my addiction. It had to own my past actions. I was a wrecking ball, terrorizing everyone and everything in my path. When I was able to admit this and make amends for my actions, my healing began. I felt truly free for the first time.” Now, he consciously tries to live Ownership by consistently being true to himself, acting with the same character regardless of who he is with, especially when he is alone.
Connection
Defined: Connection is an open flow of communication that begins with being transparent so others can feel safe to reciprocate with transparency. Then, doing the hard work to consciously listen, relate, and truly know them as a person.
Applied: Darold has been working towards real connections with those in his life. He and a friend have been supporting each other in their quest to nurture deeper connections. He shared, “It is life-changing when you come at a relationship wanting a true connection and to know them as a person. To know their family, what they do on the weekends, even the color of their eyes.” He is starting to practice this at work, where he strives to know his crew of 35 more as people than employees. All of them know the harsh details of his addiction-driven past. An AA book sits prominently on his desk as a reminder that his door is always open to discuss personal struggles.
Kindness
Defined: True Kindness is not the actions that people see, but what you think about people; being ‘kind in your mind.’ Having good thoughts about people is what is most important. Kind actions will then flow freely and genuinely.
Applied: Actions like holding the door open or helping with dropped groceries, on the physical plane, are easy. But Kindness on the spiritual and mental plane is something entirely different, a shift in approach to humanity. Darold shared that he struggles with Kindness on this level since judgment creeps in so quickly.
Two practices help him be more “kind in his mind.” First, he calls upon God’s help through constant, steady, and persistent prayer. “Show me, Lord. Teach me how to be kind, compassionate, and loving to everybody.” Second, he calls upon God’s Word. The bible says to keep our generous actions to ourselves without boastfulness. Darold has seen God’s blessings exponentially unfold when he treats his kind actions like a secret, just between him and God.
Unstoppable
In prison, Darold took college courses, and his long-forgotten passion for woodworking was reignited as he learned new skills. After sixteen months, Darold was released from jail and ready to take on the world, depending on God, not on drugs or alcohol. He got an entry-level job at a custom cabinetry shop.
His continuous conversation and complete dependence on his Maker is what has allowed him to succeed. This relationship has taken Darold from the streets to owning his own home, career advancement to cabinet installation manager and shop foreman responsible for 35 people, reunited with his kids, cured of Hep-C, and engaged to be married. He explains his trajectory of success like this, “Habitual connection with God does something in the world of spirituality and faith that releases a power that I can not explain. With God by my side, I feel unstoppable and with tremendous joy in my heart and life.”
Celebration
Today, December 5, 2020, Darold celebrates his fourth year of sobriety.
Congratulations Darold, you have defeated the beast and inspired many with your strength and victory. Sincere appreciation for sharing the details of your addiction and your struggle to sobriety.
ROCK thru whatever monster has a grip on you. XO ~Lee
Support
If you or someone you know is struggling with drugs or alcohol, below are links to resources for help:
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
Want more Inspiration to ROCK thru life?
Follow on Social Media for Weekly Updates:
Go Deeper into Each Principle:
Respect
Ownership
Connection
Kindness
Let’s Discuss
When we share with each other, we all learn and grow. Use the area below as a forum to go deeper. Provide your input. Start a conversation. Share your experience or perspective.
Please comment with Respect and Kindness. For more information, review the Guidelines for Discussion.