Life’s journey
When I’m hiking, I’m away from the seemingly never-ending list of tasks that occupy my mind, space, time, and energy. The trails are where I feel the most clarity and Connection to my true self without the world’s noise.
On a warm Summer morning, I knelt to tie my shoe, stood up, and started out on the concrete path in Arches National Park. The views of the grand rock formations on each side of me were humbling.
After fifteen minutes or so, the paved trail stopped and led into a rocky landscape that went on as far as I could see. There was a sign that read “Primitive trail beyond this point. Follow rock cairns.” The reality was that there really was no trail, but a wide expanse of jagged terrain.
It didn’t take very long before I came upon some piled up rocks. Although made from the same type of stone as the vast surroundings, the precise balancing of the four pieces made it clear that it was intentional. It was a cairn, a man-made stack of stones made as a way-finding landmark. Cairns are used as a more natural “signage” on hiking trails, to guide people in the correct direction. I followed the cairn’s advice to take the path to the left. Then, the coincidence occurred to me and brought a smile to my face. Intentionally balancing the four principles of R.O.C.K. within my life, indeed, guides me when the smooth paths of life turn rough. Since that day, the mental metaphor has stuck with me as a reminder to turn to the R.O.C.K. principles, like a cairn, in times when I need direction.
No matter the size
Of course, there are varying degrees of rough life terrain. From day-to-day challenges to the most intense struggles, I’ve found that every life challenge, no matter the size, can benefit from applying the four R.O.C.K. principles:
Respect: admirable regard earned by a positive connection to character, contribution, or being
Ownership: awareness, acceptance, and action based on the truths of a situation
Connection: positive, reciprocal bond
Kindness: generous consideration for others through action
R.O.C.K. cairn guidance at work
A colleague and I were working together to gather data to inform a large divisional initiative. There was a lot at stake, so we were both fully invested, professionally, and emotionally. During our first meeting, we quickly learned that our initial approaches to the task were very different. Before our next meeting, I sat with the R.O.C.K. principles to level set and intentionally utilize them for a solution.
Respect: This colleague had earned my respect during previous projects, so I transferred that respect to this project by proactively listening to his perspective and seeking understanding.
Ownership: To prepare for the meeting, I intentionally became aware, accepted, and took action based on my truths of the situation to release any negative emotions of pride and self-righteousness.
My truths:
• More than one type of approach can be successful for the project.
• There is minimal benefit to the project if we proceed with the approach that I am accustomed to using. My resistance to exploring a new approach is rooted in my heavy workload and the desire for it to be less mentally draining for me.
• If we went with the approach that I brought to the table, I would lose the opportunity to learn something new.
The reality of the situation was that we each had different approaches, neither was right or wrong, just different. Before the meeting, I researched the most recent trends related to our project so that I could see how parts of both of our approaches could be applied. During the meeting, I shared what I thought were the pros and cons of both methods.
Connection: I began the meeting by asking about my colleague’s family and a recent family vacation. Starting our session with a “people first” attitude showed my respect for him as a human being over and above the details of the task set before us. I was genuinely interested in prioritizing “the person” over the project by setting aside the work objective for just a few minutes.
Kindness: Throughout the discussion, even when we weren’t always on the same page, I was genuinely kind, without being condescending.
R.O.C.K. outcome: The outcome was a collaborative, even enjoyable, meeting that ended in a successful path forward for the project. We determined that the best plan was to utilize a hybrid of each of our approaches, taking the best of both methods.
R.O.C.K. cairn guidance through cancer
I’m in Arizona, my mom is struggling with cancer in Illinois, and the COVID-19 virus is everywhere in between. It has been incredibly stressful and emotional, not being able to hop on a plane to support my mom in person during her treatments. Given her immune-deficient condition, I can’t risk contracting the virus, while flying on a commercial airplane and passing it to her. After weeks of reeling in my emotions, I realized that I needed to rely on the R.O.C.K. principles to guide me. Here’s how I worked through the situation:
Respect: Although easier for me, out of love and respect for my mom, I can’t risk her health by traveling on a plane to be with her.
Ownership: To get myself grounded in a solution-orientated state, I took in a few big inhales of clean mountain air to calm my emotions so that I could try to become aware, accept, and take action based on my truths of the situation. I also asked Brett, my husband, to help think through the realities and solutions with me.
My truths:
• We worked through every scenario that we could think of. Driving is the only way that I can visit her and keep her safe.
• I have some unallocated vacation time at work.
• My amazing husband is willing to embark on a road trip with me and then fly home.
• Our kids have a safe place to be while we are gone.
Connection: Mom has been in near isolation since March, leaving the house only for treatments and doctor appointments. Humans need Connection to not only thrive but to survive. Dr. Vivek Murthy, the 19th surgeon general of the United States, writes about the need for Connection for our health in Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. The 2020 book highlights the importance of Connection and our challenges to get much-needed interaction during the COVID-19 crisis. My mom is ill, and the pandemic has left her isolated. To help support her healing, I need to be with her to hug, laugh, and enjoy life with her.
Kindness: Getting to my mom for a week of Connection is showing Kindness to her, but also to myself. We need each other right now.
R.O.C.K. outcome: So travel plans for the nearly 2,000-mile cross-country trip were made; route and hotel reservations finalized, meals prepared for the kids, bags packed, and household logistics taken care of. We set out on our road trip, with my mom waiting on the other side with a masked hug and delicious food (whipping up deliciousness is her thing).
My R.O.C.K. thru journey
Infusing the R.O.C.K. principles into my daily life is a journey for me. I am continually learning and striving to intentionally weave these four concepts into different aspects of my life. As I continue to research these four R.O.C.K. pillars and apply them, it was helpful for me to flesh out these two examples. On the surface, Respect, Ownership, Connection, and Kindness are wonderful to incorporate into my life. But they can be so much more. Intentionally using them as cairns, they guided me to the right solutions. I hope these real-life experiences have provided you with practical illustrations to deepen your understanding so you can R.O.C.K. thru life too!
ROCK thru on your life journey! XO ~Lee
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