Shit. We all have it. It’s part of life, the part that isn’t sunshine and roses. The worst circumstances imaginable, our regrettable actions, and the subsequent consequences, the aspects of ourselves that we keep secret, and what we give to the world that emerges from our fears. The shit in my life came with a valued lesson, Ownership, or “owning your shit,” is essential to grow and bloom as a person. And the inverse is true as well; don’t own your shit and wither.
Smelly can be good
It does not look or smell pretty, but inside are nutrients needed for growth…like good manure fertilizes a garden. (I’m a Midwesterner who grew up with the love/hate smell of manure around our yard in the summertime. Admittedly, more love than hate.) Without the rough moments in life, it’s easy to become complacent. We need to be grounded so that our heads don’t blow up like balloons, drifting away in arrogance above others.
I’m also not suggesting to roll around and relish in your shit. If you spend too much time with it, you may get used to the stench that appears as self-loathing, comparison, and anger. Instead, take a big whiff and see your shit for what it is. Then, step over it. Distance yourself from it. Learn from it.
It’s equally important to find slivers of joy during these shit times so as to not slide into despair. Even if the only positive thing you can muster up is your breath, be grateful for each rise and fall of your belly.
When a giant turd appears, there is a choice to ask either, “Why me?” or “What am I to learn? “Why me?” emerges from a place of entitlement to a life without pain or blemish. None of us are immune and thank goodness, because, “What am I to learn?” is where I have found peace in difficult situations. It’s usually not immediately apparent, but it always appears if you are open to seeing it. Always. I have a friend who lost a child just after birth. She still mourns her son but openly helps others through the same horrific experience. Through her pain, she can give the gift of comfort to others in the most tragic of times. Beauty can be found in Ownership of the pile, even though the smell can linger for years.
Connection amid the shit
Amid life’s poop also comes Connection, another ROCK principle. When we are forced to painfully utter the four-letter word, “Help.” When we are so low that we just can’t make it alone. It’s in these times where some of the most beautiful Connections can happen. During my “big bucket of lemons journey,” I found myself across the country in the same state my sister lives in. I needed to be there for several months, so she graciously offered her extra bedroom. We hadn’t seen each other daily since we were teenagers. Although humbling, being with her brought me moments of laughter when I was dung-covered and needed joy most. This was a time when the love, compassion, and giving within human Connection were as real and heart-healing as it gets.
Soul growth emerges from embracing the shit. Here are a few of my transforming experiences:
• Regret became self-awareness.
• Loneliness became empathy.
• Heartache became compassion.
• Loss became finding.
• Mistakes became humbleness.
Our shit makes our humanness bloom. Please feel free to share in comments how Ownership of your life’s shit has blossomed into beauty.
ROCK thru and bloom! XO ~Lee
Dedication
This post is dedicated to the entire Havenga family: I married into your fantastic family over 25 years ago and have squeamishly listened to digestion-related stories ever since. It took a while, but clearly, you’ve helped me to embrace the topic. Love you all!
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